Tag: body image

Lessons Learned From Being a Pea Pod for a Day

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized1 Comment

Mrs. Arena 1.jpgI used to be known as “The Popcorn Lady” over 25 years ago. That was when my three children were in elementary school and I had received this authentic giant movie-popcorn making machine as a gift from their dad. It was wonderful! I would bring it to all of the “Fun Fairs” every year and got to know all of the kids. To this day, we still use the machine, although it is a bit worn, a few loose knobs and rust, but when you order the popcorn on line (it comes with a packet of yellow oil and seasoning) it is even better than the movie kind.

Anyway, there is a yearly “Marathon” event at the school I work at part time, a school with over 100 kids with special needs and over 100 staff. The marathon is not only a “run” where staff and children alike take turns running with the baton around a track to eventually make the 26 miles, but also a carnival, fun fair festival kind of day. There are clowns on stilts, a DJ playing music, kids dancing and playing with all types of lawn toys, crafts, sensory booths, healthy snacks, etc. and this year the popcorn booth. Well, besides being the popcorn lady, thanks to a co-worker who is as crazy as I am, I also got to be a pea pod. She got to be a carrot.

It was all fun and good until the popcorn ran out by late morning….luckily it was almost lunch break when the kids all go inside so I had time to run to the grocery store…but not much time. As I ran to my car across the campus, I had a decision to make: take off the pea pod outfit or not? Now mind you, the town where the school is tends to be an upscale kind of town with gorgeous restaurants and fancy shopping, and dressed up kind of people, and I am not talking pea pod clothes. Time was limited. I did what I needed to do. I drove to the store as I was, and as I got out of the car, it started. I realized at that moment how fun this was going to be! I just had no idea how people were going to react. The first reaction was a middle aged woman, nicely dressed in a fancy car next to me. She did not flinch. No smile. Nothing. Not sure I liked that, it felt weird. Maybe I don’t look that funny? But 5 seconds later, as I was walking toward the door, the elderly man who was retrieving the carriages, looked straight at me, smiled and yelled out, “I’m not even going to ask!!” Now that to me felt like a normal response. What would happen inside?

I couldn’t find the popcorn, that is what happened. So I had to walk around the entire store, it was a study in human psychology, and how people react to seeing a giant pea pod walking around the grocery store in the middle of the day. A young mom with a 3 year old in her carriage, looking for a loaf of bread, just looked up and gave a giant smile. Clearly, she didn’t know who the heck I was, but she thought is was funny (because it was!). Her reaction was pretty typical. What was not typical was the reaction from the middle aged woman who worked there, who I asked for help to find the popcorn. Again, she did not flinch. She did not smile. Maybe she was afraid? That was the feeling I got from her, and a few others. I could be crazy. Who knows what I would do? What do crazy giant pea pods do? They could be dangerous. That is how I felt.

By the time I got to the check out, got in line, with two women behind me by now, I felt a need to explain myself (the young cashier and bagger looked a little scared!). “I work at a school! We are having a fair today!” Finally, a few smiles. A sigh of relief from the well dressed women behind me. I got in my car, cranked the air (pea pod outfits are warm) and drove back to the school, thinking “wow”. That was interesting.

The rest of the afternoon was so much fun, I had help at my popcorn booth from a few of the awesome teens that go to the school. We chatted the entire time, they bagged the popcorn, and gave it out to their friends. I got to run one lap, and when the day ended, I felt so happy for so many reasons.

I then had to run to a doctor’s appointment for my dad. It was not good news. To make a long story short, that day made me reflect on so many things, and it took awhile to sort them out (not that I have yet), but I still wanted to share some lessons I learned that day.

  1. It is not always easy to TRULY be yourself. Even when you think you don’t care what people think, you probably do. It kind of bothered me when people were looking at me as if I might be crazy. I felt uncomfortable that someone might actually be afraid of me. I had to explain myself so they wouldn’t be. For me, walking into that store with that outfit on was not hard at all. I love costumes and I really don’t care what people think, but I guess I do care about how people feel.
  2. It feels to me that some people need to portray a certain “image”. Perfectly matched clothes, certain kind of car, whatever. It applies to bodies and body image also. In my life I have seen women especially keep talking about the same body part over and over, that they have been unhappy with for decades. Is this about portraying a certain “image” that we think is acceptable to society, or what? Arms are going to get saggy, necks are going to get wrinkly, tummies are going to protrude a bit, hair will turn gray or fall out, yet, we waste years focusing on these things. When you feel good, can eat and drink, can walk and talk, why do these things matter?
  3. When it comes to letting loose and experiencing joy, and all life has to offer, everyone is different. Not everyone feels comfortable tossing caution to the wind, having fun, getting messy, looking wrinkled, walking barefoot, dancing like a lunatic. Being one who prefers to do all of the above, I feel sad for people who can’t, but then again, we are all different. What brings you joy and contentment is what matters. For some that means sitting in a chair under the shade and watching all those crazy people toss off their shoes, dance to the music, wear funky costumes and be themselves. There is no wrong or right. Pea pod outfits aren’t for everyone.
  4. Working on a team is a gift. Wherever you work, whatever you do, if it is with others, you learn so much. Watching people of all ages get up before school opens to set up tents, water coolers, lawn toys, booths, paint their faces, dress up, cook, start running dozens of laps to be sure the kids complete a marathon, well, it was great. Making sure to capture every moment by running around the entire event with your camera assured that we would have memories forever (Thank you Laurel K!!).Every single person was selfless, it was all about the kids. It was a hot day, people were sweating, hair styles were limp, it was not easy. But you could see the absolute joy on the faces of everyone when that final lap was done. It struck me that what these disheveled sweaty people had given themselves (the gift you get when you give to others) was such a contrast from the people I saw that day in the grocery store…..who may have thought they had it all, but have no idea what they are missing. But maybe they do, they just dress nicer……which brings me to….
  5. You never know what someone is going through just by looking at them. I realized I was kind of judging people by their reaction to me and my pea pod outfit. Maybe they didn’t find it as funny as I did. Maybe they dress like that all the time, and it was nothing new. Maybe matching your shoes to your pocketbook makes you really happy. I admit, I am happy when all my nails are the same length…it doesn’t happen often. Meaningless for sure.The reality is people struggle with all kinds of things, some silly (or that you or I find silly, but they may not), and some serious. More times than you can imagine, I am in the middle of a visit with a parent and child, and eventually find out there are gigantic stressful situations the family is living through. Not one, but two autistic siblings at home, a brother incarcerated, a father with agoraphobia, and on and on. At first, it seems like just another family who needs some nutrition counseling, but then it turns out eating healthy is kind of last on the list. Yes, someone might be going through something and nothing can make them smile. You just never know.

I learned one more thing that day that is pretty funny. After all these years of ordering that popcorn, I apparently never looked at the label(what kind of dietitian am I! you might ask….one that hates reading labels). So when one of the teachers asked if it was healthy, I decided to look. Well, what a surprise! No trans fat, lots of fiber and actually pretty healthy if you ask me : )

Happy Memorial Day, thank you to my father, a former Marine, and all who served us. I hope you get to go barefoot, laugh, dance, or just sit and watch. But please remember to wear whatever makes you happy. If I had green shoes to match the pea pod you know I would have worn them.

What’s Keeping YOU From Blooming?

On By jodietitianIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

IMG_7668After spending 3 hours buying plants at 4 different nurseries, then over 6 hours working in the garden, there’s lots of time to think. It was exhausting (but enjoyable) work, dragging gigantic bags of potting soil around the yard, filling pots, sticking plants in the dirt, watering, rearranging while my husband trimmed what seemed like endless bushes and shrubs that then needed to be dragged away into the woods. All this while running inside for a “break” from the sun to catch up on laundry, vacuum under the beds, change sheets, wash floors and dust ceiling fans. When you have been away for 3 weekends in a row, then are home for the first sunny Saturday in weeks, well, it is pretty hard to ignore all the dust you can now see clearly.

Finally, the time came, that long anticipated time to take a long hot shower, pour a drink and sit outside on the chair swing watching the sun set,and getting  to finally  admire all of our work. My husband and I pretty much collapsed on that swing, silent for awhile just looking around at the trees against the sky, and the colorful flowers in the new cobalt and turquoise ceramic pots I just bought thanks to a gift certificate from my daughter for Mother’s Day : ) “Isn’t it just so beautiful? I just love it! I love this time of year”, said me, the person who pretty much can’t contain herself when she is among the beauty of nature and flowers. “Stop bringing me down!” my husband joked, as he often does when I get super-happy over what most people seem to ignore. We had our discussion about the yard, what’s left to do and everything else under the sun. The peace and beauty of the yard, the trees, the birds, the sky all struck me as heavenly. My husband said something to the effect that heaven is supposed to be like earth (so he read somewhere), and I could understand why someone would believe that. Whenever I am in a garden, it pretty much confirms for me that someone much bigger than us designed all this. When you think about every single flower, they are all so different and unique, yet each just as beautiful as the next. Just like us.

Which brings me to Zootopia…….the movie. Friday night, we went out to see it. We were exhausted from the long work week but, it was an early movie. What does Zootopia have to do with gardening? Yes, I have a touch of ADD and I don’t meant to change the topic, but it all will make sense later. If you have not seen the movie, and are a big fan of diversity, you need to go see it. The movie characters are all different animals, yet they all get along in Zootopia…well, kind of. Just as all of the flowers in a garden are different yet beautiful in their own way, one of the messages from the movie is the uniqueness of each individual animal (person).

But sometimes,(back to humans)….people don’t quite know they are unique and wonderful. Sometimes people struggle. The problems and issues are different from one person to the next, but usually, they are not alone in what they struggle with as others have gone through some of the same things as well. But it never feels like that, right? When people are struggling, it often feels like they are the only one. For instance, when a parent brings their child to Feeding Team and tells us how worried they are because Johnny only eats 5 foods, can you believe it? What is wrong with him?! It is a relief for the family to hear that Johnny is not alone. We see one kid an hour just like Johnny. When a parent brings in a teenager, newly diagnosed with an eating disorder, who has been losing weight, now won’t eat with the family, stopped socializing, is impossibly moody, a parent feels scared and alone, helpless. When they learn they are not alone, this disease strikes many young girls and boys too, and there is help, a parent starts to look a bit more hopeful. When someone can’t get out of bed because of depression, or someone can’t stop eating, or turns to food for comfort, they often feel alone, as if they are the only ones with this problem. Even if cognitively they know other people go through it, for them, if feels different. Other people can deal with it and stop, but they can’t.

Many people I have worked with who have disordered eating (either restricting or turning to food and binge eating) tend to blame themselves. Those who have body image concerns tend to pick on themselves. Just the other day, in the garden shop where I was looking to use my gift certificate and pick out some pots, the middle aged woman who helped me kind of threw me. I could not budge the giant pot I wanted without struggling (and since I did not want to risk breaking it, I asked her for help). When she easily lifted it and placed it on a wagon, all I said was “wow, this job keeps you nice and strong! that is great!” Well, that was enough to trigger her to respond with “but I need to get rid of this stomach!” as she grabbed her middle. It’s everywhere. Instead of saying “Yes, I love being strong!” she was focused on the negative about herself.  Unfortunately, I don’t think this is unusual at all. As we pick on ourselves for one thing or another, someone else is admiring us. I do it myself with my curly hair. Growing up in an era when having poker straight hair like Cher was the ideal, my long curly somewhat frizzy Italian head of hair was torture. I ironed it, wrapped it tightly around my head at night with millions of bobby pins, blew dry it, gelled it, anything to de-frizz it and make it be more like everyone else’s. Why is it that when someone compliments me on “my beautiful curly hair”, something inside me just does not believe it? Yes, I have a much greater appreciation for the ease of my curly hair, and at my age, no longer care if I look like everyone else, but still, there is that nagging memory.

Picking on ourselves is not limited to the physical realm. Living in this day and age puts lots of pressure to live up to some crazy physical standard, yes, but I notice people don’t always see the wonderfullness of themselves in other ways.  They feel as though they should accomplish more (even my husband, at the end of a very hard working day yesterday said “well, I only got to 2 things on my list” as if working 9 hours doing yard work was not enough?). A co-worker was upset the other day because she did not meet her “productivity” goals of seeing a certain amount of patients that month. She really does not have much control over who shows up, and she loves working with her patients, and develops great connections with them, yet instead of focusing on the wonderful part of herself, she was really down about something she could not even control. Another co-worker only works part-time was upset at herself because she was not sure she did enough for a family. Yet, she always stays late, makes phone calls from home, and goes out of her way for everyone. She is a wonder-woman in my eyes, yet I get the feeling she does not even see it.

Then there are those people who have accomplished so much in life, yet they don’t feel like they have. They have overcome obstacles, gotten to a good place in life, but still they feel they should be doing better. What is that nagging feeling of inadequacy about? Isn’t it alright to just stay where you are as long as you are making ends meet and healthy and happy, and move onto something else when the time is right? Like when you no longer are feeling content and happy. That is a different story. Another friend of mine got to a place in her job where things had changed and she no longer enjoyed her work. She left work everyday feeling mentally drained and unhappy. It was time to leave. But not because she felt inadequate, but because she was in tune with her own need for joy in her life and would not settle for anything less. She was brave to make the change, makes less money but has no regrets. That is different than the person who likes their job, is happy at the end of the day, yet does not feel good enough.

Is there something you have been struggling with that you beat yourself up for every day? Do you feel as though you are the only one, and that something is lacking in you because you can’t fix it? You probably are not alone. So many people struggle with things, yet many of those same people do actually get through it. You can, too. Sometimes, people need help and support from others, specialists, therapists, family, friends. I think the first step is even just recognizing that something is wrong, knowing you are spending way too much time worrying about a problem or feeling “not good enough”. Admitting you have a problem is a better place to be than denying it. It is totally alright to go at your own pace as far as moving forward, staying still is always better than going backward I have always believed.

So…..is there something that is keeping you from “blooming”? You are as unique and beautiful as any flower out there, you just may not see it all the time. In the movie (which I LOVED) the tiny little bunny wanted to be a police officer. The police force was made of giant animals like elephants and rams, and bulls, yet there she was, fighting to prove she could do it, too. The message was, no matter how you see yourself, or how different you feel from everyone else, you really can do it.

Happy Gardening!

 

 

Why Dr.Oz Gets on My Nerves

On By jodietitianIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

face-extreme-1554895 “Flatter by Friday! One Week to Shrink Your Stomach!”…… and Dr. Oz will tell you how. That was the quick blip I heard when I turned on the television while loading the dishwasher yesterday.

I had to watch. I imagine a million other women watched too. What magical solution to our obsession with our bellies is Dr. Oz sharing that I need to be aware of, and ready to answer questions about to the many people in my life both personally and professionally who have body image concerns? When it comes to throwing out the right hook to grab an audience, Dr. Oz is the best there is (although Donald Trump is right up there with him, no politics on this blog, but you catch the drift).

So I watched the show, and to my amazement he talked about the flat belly topic first (I figured it would be at the end, that is usually how shows get you to watch the whole thing). The segment was shared with Chris Powell, a “core expert”. Anyway, he likes to use visuals, and that makes it more fun for the live audience. So as he spelled out each reason our tummies get bloated, he demonstrated it. It was actually pretty funny. We were told to imagine that our bodies are a “house” and explained that we get visitors. The first visitor to walk in the door is “water”, then “Bloat” and finally  “Fat”. This animated cartoon demonstration was followed by the recommendation to eliminate alcohol, processed foods and sugar (just for a week, you know, to get that flat tummy).

They never really discussed bloat (except to say it was from gas produced in the digestive tract) but did talk about water retention and how to help your body avoid it. They demonstrated how eating a donut causes your body to hold onto a cup of water. They had a bunch of water soaked sponges on a table, each representing different high carbohydrate foods and how much water they cause you to retain (demonstrated by squeezing the water out of the sponges to produce the visual). They went over a specific diet plan and the reasons for every food (for example, the asparagus you are supposed to eat at dinner is supposedly a natural diuretic). It was pretty much a low calorie and low carbohydrate diet plan. The funniest part was when they had different women from the audience come up and try the special smoothies that are supposed to substitute for the foods you really are craving in between meals (such as chocolate, chips, coffee drinks). The first woman who tried a shake made from blended greens and fruit made the funniest face that made you know it was disgusting. It was too funny! Nothing against smoothies, I know lots of people who love them and they can be healthy. Personally, if it takes pulling out a blender to make a snack, it won’t happen. I only go to that trouble if I am cooking something special (like a pumpkin soup I made once three years ago).

So was there any new information that can transform your tummy and make it flat in just 7 days? While it is true that a low carb diet will tend to cause your body to lose water, and yes, losing water weight might make your tummy feel smaller, just as with any quick weight loss restrictive diet, your body will re-hydrate once you start eating normally again. Decreasing processed foods is good advice, but it is the context of the recommendation that bothers me. Why does it always have to be focused on the stomach as a reason to make a healthy change? Why bother to try to get rid of some water weight just to fit into some dress for just one occasion? Especially because the person going through this type of fast weight loss plan for this reason is likely obsessing about something that just is not there. We are talking about a tiny change in a body part that I can guarantee you, nobody is looking at except the person dieting. Who can say they really care about another person’s belly fat or bloat or water retention, or that you would even notice any change? Why put your body (and even worse, your mind) through the stress of following such a restrictive diet for even one week, for something that will not last? Why can’t we focus on helping each other become healthier? I enjoyed part of the show where experts answered some random questions about health (for instance, did you know you don’t have to wash your face with soap? a dermatologist on the show explained why, now that was interesting…). Learning new healthy recipes, how to break bad habits, how to build fitness, now that might be helpful.

Oh, and as for reducing bloat (gas) I think it is a good idea to avoid foods that cause you gas. Not because it makes your tummy look less flat, but because it makes you feel better. Broccoli is not my friend and I avoid it like the plague.

So the next time you get drawn in by some advertisement or commercial or anything else that throws out the “hook” of resolving your concerns about your tummy, remember, there is no fast solution, and never will be for any quick fix for any of our body image issues. That is why caring about health and feeling good is a wiser focus for your precious energy. When you want a quick fix for looking better, do what I do. Go see your hairdresser!

 

Cleaning Your Closet: Why is it so hard to let go?

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized2 Comments

IMG_6662I have a lovely beaded shawl that my mom gave me that will go perfectly with the cranberry colored dress I am wearing to a wedding this afternoon. I can’t find it. It is driving me crazy because I know it is here…….somewhere. I vaguely remember hanging it upstairs in a spare closet (where several other things we don’t use often are kind of shoved). Things like holiday wrapping paper, a few boxes of old pictures and files, wrought iron candle holders that I got at a tag sale that are just too nice to throw away. The shawl is not in there, I don’t think. It could have fallen on the floor and although I need to clean that closet out, I am not in the mood on this gorgeous Saturday morning to do that.

As I was rummaging through another closet, I kept coming across all these clothes I just never wear. I swear I just cleaned this closet and got rid of so much, yet here I am again, frustrated. Why is it that I keep these things? My friends and I have had so many discussions around clothing. Over the years, working with patients with weight issues, the subject of clothing comes up often too. It has been my experience at least in my life that it is mostly women who struggle with clothing issues (I am sure some men do too, but so far, I have not encountered one who talks about it the way we women do). Just this week, I went shopping with my husband who needed to buy a gray suit for his daughter’s wedding next month. It was so easy! As he was trying on his first gray suit, I glanced around the floor of the large store we were in. To me, all the racks of suits looked the same, just different groupings of colors. On the other side of the store where the women’s clothes were on display it was a different story. So many colors and patterns and styles to chose from! No wonder it is confusing (and we won’t discuss shoes).

So why is it that me and many other women I know can’t just go to their closet and find what they need, get rid of stuff they never wear and live a simple clothing life? Here is what I have realized:

  1. Some women (me) find it hard to resist a sale. That cute little sweater jacket from Ann Taylor that is normally $89.99 and now marked down to $9.99? How could I resist! Well, after hanging there for almost 2 years and maybe being worn once (it is just so thick and warm, who could stand it for more than an hour or so? No wonder it was on sale!) probably needs to go. But then it would have been a waste of money. This winter I will wear it, right?
  2. Some of us, as we age, get a bit confused as to what is appropriate to wear. We may have a few items that we absolutely love. For example, I have these very comfortable khaki green cargo shorts I bought years ago from Sports Authority that are perfect for kayaking. They were on sale, they are sturdy and I wouldn’t care if they got a bit of slimy lake water on them. Unfortunately, they are short. Back then I wouldn’t care, but now, at my age, I feel uncomfortable in shorts that are too short (and unfortunately, I own some more expensive and nice shorts that I splurged on back in the day that I also have not worn for many years….and also have not parted with). It is hard to get rid of stuff you know you spent good money on. It was easy, however to get rid of a short leather and suede skirt a friend had given me. I never wore it (well once for Halloween when I dressed as Dolly Parton!). When I turned 40 it was easy to let it go. The nice expensive shorts are another story.
  3. Some clothing holds special memories. I still have my first robe tucked up in a drawer (somewhere) that I wore after I came home from the hospital when my first daughter Jennifer was born in May. My mother bought it for me, it is white with tiny roses on it and button down so it was easy to nurse in. I just can’t part with it. I also still have the straight leg, high waisted faded Levis I got after my third child Kara was born. I remember it was our first house and for some reason, I loved those jeans and they hold memories of back then when I was a young mother.
  4. The size thing. There are so many stories I could share about so many women who have a range of sizes depending on where they are in their dieting lives at the moment.  We all know people who are able to lose a lot of weight and go down several sizes, yet they keep their larger sized clothes just in case. And then when they gain back the weight, they keep their smaller clothes just in case. There are people who slowly gain a bit of weight over the years and it is perfectly normal, however they refuse to go up a size because of the number thing. Some people think it means something to be this size or that size. Why does this matter? Do you judge someone who is not a certain size? Why do you judge yourself? Those have always been my questions to some of my patients. What about comfort? I have always said, one way to feel bad about your body is to wear tight clothes. Squeezing into a size you used to fit in just to be able to say you wear a size whatever does not make sense, especially if you do not hold your friends to that standard, why do it to yourself? Think about how wonderful you feel in the clothes you throw on when you are ready to lounge around at the very end of the day (I am talking jammies here, PJ’s, leggings, sweats, happy clothes). How does your body feel then? Much better I bet. Why can’t we wear clothes that make us feel like that all day? Maybe not sloppy sweats but just putting on clothes that truly fit comfortably can feel the same as those jammies. Personally, I look at several sizes when I go shopping. I start at the sale rack (of course) and if it is cheap and I love it, I don’t care what size it is (as long as it is big enough). I have been know to buy clothing twice my size but if the armholes fit, it is usually fine! You can look nice but also be comfortable. And happy.
  5. Style. We all care about it even when we think we don’t. A year or two ago, jeans took a turn from boot cut or bell bottoms to suddenly straight leg. I did not own any. I started to feel like I was not stylish at all and the only one wearing bell bottoms. I rarely buy the crazy fashions because I just don’t care (although I would if I loved it, for instance when the hippie shirts came back, I did buy one or two because that is what I wore back in the day, loved it then and love it now). Anyway, when the straight legs went on sale at my favorite store, I tried a few on. They were stretchy and comfy! And usually most pants are too long on me so I have to wear some type of heel or pay big bucks to have them hemmed. With these straight legs I could wear flip flops! I got some. And I am going to keep them until they fall apart because I love them. I also have to face the fact that all those padded shoulder gorgeous jackets I purchased back in the day when I had to dress professionally will never come back and even if they do, I don’t like them now. Why am I keeping them?

We have all read the advice about how to know what to keep and what to let go. Advice such as “if you haven’t worn it in a year, get rid of it” and “for every new item you buy you need to get rid of something” and “if you don’t absolutely love the way you feel in it, get rid of it”. This all sounds good, but not too easy to do for the above reasons. But maybe we can start.

For me, I have decided:

1. If I have not worn it in five years (believe it or not) I probably won’t wear it tomorrow.

2. If it is itchy or makes me too hot I won’t wear it.

3. If it has padded shoulders or if it is short or high waisted it will continue to sit there.

4. I will never get rid of the clothing that holds important memories.

For this morning I am going to go empty that upstairs closet and start filling large trash bags to take to Goodwill. I am going to set aside my special memory clothing and find a plastic bin to store them in (maybe I will even label it). I am going to try to be honest with myself about the fact that I really am too old to wear some of these things, they make me uncomfortable both physically and psychologically, and they are wasting space in my closet. Space where a lovely black beaded shawl might be hiding.

Good luck in letting go of your useless clothing!

The Power of a Cookie

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized4 Comments

chocolate-chip-cookies-20-1328002This weekend I was reminded of the power of a cookie. I was at a social gathering which was a very joyful celebration filled with laughter, games, children, and great food. As with most summer time picnics that are pot luck, people bring their favorite dishes or desserts to share. Being someone who loves to cook and get new recipes, it is a fun experience for me. I tend to skip the dishes I can make myself (simple potato salad, coleslaw, plain old chocolate chip cookies, etc) and always enjoy trying things where I don’t even know what is in it! For example, there was an interesting quinoa salad with avocado and kale that was amazing (it looked a bit sketchy but tasted great!). Someone made buffalo chicken appetizer balls with a blue cheese dip that I am definitely getting the recipe for. You get the picture, great food, great day, great fun.

But near the end of the night a woman came out to the dessert table looking for a cookie. There had been a few platters of cookies but most of the guests had left and apparently the platters were gone too. She seemed really desperate for a cookie, so I looked around and found a small plate which I showed her. She quickly grabbed one and gobbled it up. I was glad she was happy until a few seconds later when her mood drastically changed. I was thrown when she started to say “why did I eat that cookie? I feel so guilty! I have to fit into my dress next week! What was I thinking!?” I suddenly felt bad for being a part of this, as she was truly upset. But then my dietitian mode kicked in as I tried to convince her one cookie truly would have no effect on her body. It took some time but eventually she seemed to let it go.

It struck me later that reactions like this to a cookie are not uncommon. Have you ever witnessed someone reacting to what they have eaten is such a dramatic way? The reaction is one you might expect from someone who truly did something really bad. The primary feeling is one of guilt. The word “guilty” came up several times. To me, that word is a strong one. It means you did something really wrong, something you regret and don’t want to do again because you feel so bad. How does one cookie make someone feel like that?

Part of it could be the “black and white” thinking many people have about food and eating. Food is “good” or food is “bad”. Who decides what foods fit into what category is the individual and how they define the word as well as how they judge the particular food. To me “good” means it tastes good. To someone else, good means it is good for you, a “healthy” food. So for me, those buffalo chicken balls with the blue cheese dip were definitely good! But to someone else, they may be considered “bad”. Peanut butter cookies may be “bad” to someone who thinks sweets are bad because they don’t consider cookies “healthy”, but to me they are bad because I just plain don’t like peanut butter cookies (sugar cookies however are definitely good).

Another way to explain some people’s guilty overreaction to eating just one cookie might be the “diet jail” I referred to in a previous post Are You in Diet Jail? When people are dieting to lose weight (which often happens when they are getting ready for a specific event, such as a reunion, holiday or wedding, big party, etc and want to fit into specific clothing) they put themselves in diet jail where most normal foods are forbidden. Even one bite of a food that is not in their diet world of foods in diet jail can set someone off.

It also seems like a “perfectionism” kind of approach to food and eating. The word “perfection” is interesting because I think we all have areas in our lives where we strive for it. To my grandfather back in the day, it was his lawn. It was perfect. He would have a fit if a neighborhood dog would set foot on it, and heaven forbid, pee. I remember being very careful as a child when we went to my grandparents home, being sure to stay within the manicured border of the small sidewalk leading to the door. Don’t step on the grass!!

My husband is a bit of a perfectionist when he entertains friends. He spends a lot of time on cutting foods perfectly so the presentation is the way he wants it to be. I, however do not have that kind of patience, and tend to throw it all together. Other people need to have a perfectly organized closet. One woman I worked with had all of her clothes hung up by color, and her shoes all labeled. I, on the other hand, still have sweaters stuffed in my closet mixed in with the sun dresses…never did get around to switching those clothes around. My perfectionism tends to involve being a bit overly concerned that I make everyone happy if they are coming to my house for a get together. It is important to me that everyone has a great experience and I truly do enjoy the cooking and entertaining. It is stressful though to be thinking so hard about pleasing everyone, and I am working on having it be “good enough”.

So maybe that is the take home message. Why can’t everything be “good enough?” Why isn’t your body good enough? Why isn’t your diet good enough?  Not that I promote looking at calories, but the truth is your body certainly does not care if you eat 100 calories from an apple or a cookie, it is probably just happy to have the energy. Yes, you should care about nutrition and getting the nutrients you need, and yes, your health does matter. Assuming you are not allergic to it and don’t have some other health condition such as diabetes, one cookie truly does not have the power to affect your body in any significant way.

So the next time you catch yourself reacting dramatically from eating something, try to stop and do a reality check. Do you really need to waste so much time feeling guilty about something that has no affect on your body or your health? For some, this is much harder than for others. Some have spent months and years with this mindset and it does not change overnight. But even just being aware of your own experience is a step in the right direction. Try not to accept this and instead start questioning yourself. Look at the big picture and all the positive things you do to be the best you can be. To me, being perfect means being imperfect.

And the truth is a cookie has no power at all.

What’s Your Life’s Masterpiece?

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized3 Comments

another great post about body image that will really make you reflect….thanks GLENYSO!

Glenys Oyston's avatarDare to Not Diet

you're awesomeSomeone left a message on my Facebook page along the lines of (and I’m paraphrasing because I deleted it toute suite) “This comment probably won’t be appreciated here [correct!] but this page seems like a big excuse for people to be overindulgent and lazy. You don’t have to do crazy fad diets or anything but people should try to eat better and be the best they can be.” It was left by a gentleman who was very muscled and shirtless (and notably, headless) in his FB photo, so based on that and the general negative tone of his comment, I’m guessing he disapproved of my message to love our bodies as they are through a Health At Every Size® approach.

I deleted the comment because of the negative, accusatory tone – I intend for my Facebook page and blog to be safe, positive spaces for people practicing HAES®, body…

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Eating and Exercising for your Future Health Sucks

On By jodietitianIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Another great post from a fellow dietitian who promotes a non-diet approach. Glenys O describes a different way of looking at diet and exercise that I hope will make you think….enjoy!

Glenys Oyston's avatarDare to Not Diet

Feel good NOWPerhaps I am a naughty dietitian for saying so, but I think doing “healthy” stuff now to ward off vague future health threats is a terrible motivation for behavior change.

There. I said it. So sue me. But first let me explain.

I think we humans tend more toward hedonism than toward future thinking in that, most of the time, we just want to feel good in the immediate here and now.

This has been gleaned anecdotally by me in a not-at-all scientific way but I’m standing by it right now because 1. That’s how I am myself and 2. That’s how my clients are and 3. That’s how my friends are. So, with only a few exceptions, that is, like, everyone I know! Yeah, people want to be healthy but more importantly they want to feel good.

Somewhere along the way to feeling good and feeling healthy, weight became…

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Flat Belly Syndrome

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized1 Comment

cartoon bellyMade ya look! That is what my kids would have said…I am guessing just the words “flat belly” attract a lot of attention. As far as “Flat Belly Syndrome”, well, I made that up.  Those words seem to describe what I have seen way too many times over the years.If you look at the actual definition of “syndrome” in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the description fits.

By definition a “syndrome” is:1) a group of signs and symptoms that occur together and characterize a particular abnormality and 2)a set of concurrent things (such as emotions and actions) that usually form an identifiable pattern. Typically the signs I see are extreme body checking coupled with trying to do something about it, such as diet. 

So after an email from a fellow dietitian asking about what I say to patients who ask about getting rid of belly fat, it got me thinking. We both felt we would be millionaires if we got a dollar every time someone asked that question.

But what DO I say?

From my experience with both adults and children (yes, children), it seems there is a very extreme and weird focus on bellies. Be honest, do you look at yourself sideways in the mirror? More than once in awhile? It made sense to me with my eating disorder patients, that they would focus on a particular body part, that is part of the illness. A distraction from something much more important (easier to fret about a belly verses a bad relationship). But when an 11 year old boy sits in front of you and looks totally distraught, just because he is beginning puberty and has some belly fat, well, it saddens me. Where did this come from? Why is this important to a child?

I believe it is our culture of course which is reinforced unfortunately at home, where parents and relatives don’t think before they speak. About their bodies and what they don’t like, and how big their bellies are. Advertisements are everywhere, it is almost comical when you get in line to check out at the grocery store. Take a look at the magazines. I bet more than half of them have some ad or mention of “How to get a flat belly” or “Lose that belly fat!”, you get it. Have you ever stopped to ask “why?”. Personally, it angers me. They are trying to sell magazines, and those stupid ads work. Ugh.  As if all those people in the world who have a “flat belly” or 6 pack or whatever the goal is….are they happy now?

And what DO I tell my patients who ask about that. This is what I tell them:

1. Where you carry your body fat is genetic. Some people (if you look around) have very slim legs and larger bellies, some have not much of a belly but larger hips and legs. We are all different.

2. Imbalanced nutrition does not help you reach the healthiest body you can have. We all need protein and adequate fluids (or you may retain water which can make you feel bloated and if you are obsessed with your belly, well, that does not help). Extreme dieting also does not help. Poor eating contributes to digestive issues (constipation?) and that never makes you feel good.

3. Doing 100 crunches may make your tummy muscles strong (since I am not a fitness expert, you may want to consult one regarding if 100 crunches is even a good idea. I think not.). Anyway, strong stomach muscles are fantastic (good for the back according to my husband’s doctor), however they do not affect the fat on top of the muscle. So talk to a fitness expert (American College of Sports Medicine or ACSM certified is your best bet) to see about the right amount of exercise to strengthen your muscles. Getting stronger is a good goal. Trying to achieve a certain stomach if it is not in your genes is not a good goal.

4. Finally, how much time are you spending on trying to have the perfect belly? If you are thinking of this on a daily basis, it could be a red flag. Are you going through something you really don’t want to deal with? If so, please consider chatting with a professional, just to be sure (such as a therapist). A flat belly won’t help anything.

Finally, can you entertain the idea of focusing on being healthier? Being healthy is a good goal, and adopting healthy behaviors such as eating healthier, moving more, getting enough sleep and addressing your real issues will most definitely help you fight the stupidity about 6 packs.

In my day, that meant beer.