Thanksgiving: Feeling Thankful When Life Isn’t Perfect

321602_278316702194454_4244576_nIt was probably mid-July when I started to write a post about dust and sunlight. It was going to be about what you do when the sun shines through the windows in the late afternoon and illuminates the room so that dust that is normally invisible can suddenly be seen. I was going to make an analogy with our lives, and how sometimes we have moments where something strikes us about ourselves and we become truly clear about what we need to do……yet  we still don’t do anything….we leave the dust there, even though we know we should probably clean it up.

But that post never got finished because life turned kind of upside-down. Well, my laptop also was on the blink so I could blame that too. The reality was we had worked for almost a year getting our house ready to put on the market. We got rid of lots of random stuff we never used, we cleaned the attic and garage, we painted and fixed things and finally, we said “now or never”. All that work paid off. The house sold in a day. The closing came fast and before I knew it I was following my husband in a rental truck, me in our car down 84 west…..we were moving to Florida.

I was kind of pushed into an early retirement, having to leave both part time jobs that gave me so much joy (working at Connecticut Children’s Hospital and the Gengras Center School for children with special needs). I was leaving behind almost all of my family and most of my closest friends. My beautiful garden was left to someone else. I stuffed as many sentimental flower pots and lawn ornaments I could into that truck but moving to a condo meant I couldn’t take it all. It was hard to drive away from a life that took decades to build. And yet, I was so excited to be retired and not have to drive through any more snow storms during rush hour. I was thrilled to be in a new place where I could have sunshine and walk barefoot and swim most days of the year. Was I doing the right thing? I was so happy yet so sad.

I was a mess.

But I survived this big upheaval in my life. I am sure some of my friends reading this are thinking I am crazy to have even one ounce of regret. I mean, not having to work and living in the sunshine state? What on earth is there to complain about? I actually did (and still do) feel a gigantic sense of relief that I won’t have to deal with having to drive somewhere everyday, or deal with snow, especially driving in it, which I don’t enjoy. And as far as missing family and friends, well already I have visited for a few weeks and had more quality time with my daughters than I typically do (two sleepovers filled with lots of laughs). I dragged my mom down to Florida for a few weeks and trust me, she was ready to go back home. But the point is, I am realizing I can make time, precious meaningful time with my family and friends. It just may be more expensive, flying verses driving a few miles.

But what about joy? That’s what I got from work. That’s what I felt every day interacting not only with the cutest kids in the world, but the most inspirational co-workers, at both jobs. I have missed that joy and even though I have been so thankful for my easier but different life, I have not figured out this part yet. Yes, my visits with my daughters and family and friends back home gave me that joyful feeling, but I need it more regularly.

I have had a few moments down here though. I have met some amazing women who happen to be older than me. One in particular who happens to be 96 years old and sharp as a tack, as they say. She is absolutely beautiful, radiating a sense of happiness and joy. Whenever I have popped in to visit her she is always sitting near a window, soaking in sunshine or watching people walk by with her little bowl of Werther’s Original toffee candy nearby. She says she needs brightness and sunshine, lots of light makes her happy. She is funny and makes others laugh. When you ask what her secret is to looking so young (her face is smooth, not like you would expect for a woman in her 90’s who lives in Florida), she mentions her glass of scotch every night before bed. I doubt that is it, I am guessing it is her contagious joyful attitude. I was a bit worried when I heard she was in the hospital last week (due to COPD). Someone thought she wouldn’t be back. But then yesterday, while on a short golf cart ride around our block, guess who zoomed by? There was Bunny, sitting on the passenger side of the golf cart, her equally joyful and funny caretaker driving. I was thrilled to see her waving as she whizzed by.

I have also felt joy just listening to the ladies in my daily water aerobics class. That is the one reliable routine I have fallen into. Every morning at 9 am anywhere from 4 to 12 women, most in their late 70’s or 80’s join together to exercise. At first I thought I might be bored, not sure how much I would have in common with these women. But over time I learned their stories. Stories of pain and loss, and survival. So many have had some type of cancer, breasts removed, sections of lungs taken out, hip, shoulder and knee surgeries. loss of spouses and even children. And yet, they laugh and giggle constantly. They make jokes about their aches and pains and help each other modify the exercises to make it doable for everyone. They help each other, they are there for each other.

One remarkable lady lost her husband years ago, and then last year lost her older daughter in a car accident. She has an older son with special needs who often stays with her. She has health issues herself, yet, she shows up wearing her “bling”, making us all laugh and giggle. I love visiting her, her door is always open, no need to call, just pop in. Although the rule for our building is that you can only have 3 pots of flowers outside, Adele has ten times that! She is a gardener and loves her flowers. She says she just tells everyone she is “babysitting”. Anyway, this one particular day we were sitting on the couch and out of the closed guestroom came her son who I had never met. He struggled a bit with his walker, eventually making it out to the lanai. He introduced himself and even he made me laugh, telling me my feet were pretty (they are NOT, trust me). When I left her house that day and walked in my flip flops along the sunny brick walkway, I had that feeling, that feeling of happiness and joy. It hit me that I need to interact with people like Adele and her son and Bunny on a more regular basis. I need to be inspired by people who have gone through things most of us would struggle with. People who keep their sense of humor no matter what.

The one thing I sense these joyful people have is a feeling of thankfulness. They have gratitude for all that they do have despite their challenges. They are thankful for their sunny days and friendships. They are fulfilled by helping each other. Yes, they have gone through a lot, but they are survivors and they keep going, focusing on the funny side of life (which is always there, you just have to find it). I often hear someone say “we are so blessed!” These words out of the mouth of someone who survived lung cancer, needs monthly shots in her eye for vision issues, went through months of weekly infusions due to a rare infection that took months to cure. No complaints, no bitterness, just “we are so blessed”.

On this Thanksgiving day I know there are many going through really hard things. Many people I know have health issues, some have relationship struggles, others trying to make ends meet while raising a family. No matter what you are going through, what your struggles are, I hope you can learn from my new water aerobic friends the value of gratitude and looking at the good, not the bad in your life. As I write this, I realize how blessed I am. Now, time to make that pumpkin pie!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy every moment and all that you have.

PS. Thankful for my new laptop! More posts to come, next one probably to do with dealing with “the day after” Thanksgiving  : D

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