Tag: family meals

Eat Like a European (or “How to Put the Joy Back” in Your Meals)

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized3 Comments

Image may contain: food and indoorI stood at the kitchen counter watching the past few minutes of the news as I gobbled down some leftover cold chicken wings I made on the weekend. When this happens to me (being in such a rush that I end up standing as I shove food in my mouth) I chuckle to myself. I am not “practicing what I preach” for sure! That morning I failed to look at the clock as Tuesdays are my later days and I enjoy taking my time. Unfortunately, my needing to rush resulted in a quick meal that was not as enjoyable as the first time I had it (Saturday night with candles lit in a peaceful and relaxing setting).

After my visit to Italy a few years ago I felt like a changed woman with regard to eating and meal preparation. I had an even greater appreciation for how much joy cooking and family meals, or meals with friends brings to one’s life. And yet, here I am a few years later, forgetting all I learned and falling into what I sometimes refer to as “the modern American family” way of eating. I use that phrase often when working with families because I don’t want them to feel judged by me or bad about the fact they rarely have family meals. When I ask a parent to describe what meals look like, this is what I often hear:

“Well, I get home kind of late so the sitter gives a snack to the kids after school”….(think gold fish crackers, shriveled up fruit leather, yogurt in a tube thingee, mini muffins)……….”and I usually pick up something. It could be Chinese or pizza or sometimes burgers and fries. Johnny takes his food to his room because he likes to relax with his video games and Suzy sits on the couch in the living room to watch her shows, and I watch the news in the kitchen.”

Yes, the modern American family has changed since I was little. Of course we didn’t have all the fun electronics, and mom got to stay home and was able to cook a simple meal every night for us. We were not well off and meals were simple (yes, the old meat, potato, vegetable for dinner, or sometimes pasta fagioli). And it was unheard of that all four children would not sit at the table as a family. Now, things are different. Every situation is different of course, but what I see is that things cost so much, usually both parents have to work (or maybe it is a single parent, and this is even harder). Children get involved with sports, homework is getting harder and harder (according to my friends who have young children) and performance matters. Responsibilities at work often spill over to home (now that we have computers and internet, it sometimes feels like we have no excuse to tune out our working world). Before, when we punched out, work was over. Not anymore. And so, we make our priorities, and cooking a five course dinner, spending an hour eating leisurely while we chat is almost a joke to even think about.

And yet, we have an epidemic of people worrying about their weight, their children’s weight, their health, etc. People are not just having an occasional, fleeting thought about weight. They are sometimes spending lots and lots of time and money on products, books, plans, supplements, shakes and mental energy on this stuff. We have a nation of weight watchers and dieters who feel guilty eating sometimes. Lots of energy is spent on trying NOT to eat, not on enjoying food. In fact, food is often treated as “the enemy”. How many times have you heard someone say “get that away from me!” or “don’t leave that here, take it home!” or better yet, “Why did I eat that? I feel so bad”. I promise you, I never heard words like this in Italy (but then again, I don’t speak or understand Italian….). Anyway, food and meals were treated differently. Is there a connection between the way we Americans treat food and our obsession with weight? I think so.

There is not only an emotional/psychological connection, there is a physiological one. We know that eating fast does not give our body enough time to detect fullness. Therefore, running around nibbling or grabbing food and gobbling it down leads to a disconnect from our mind and body. People tell me “I am never hungry” or “I never feel full”. We also know that in order for our brains to release the messenger to make us feel “satisfied” and want to stop eating, we actually do need to look at our food and be aware of the taste, and appreciate the flavor. Researchers have found that one of the roles leptin may play is to gradually increase dopamine (a feel-good chemical). When we are in need of energy and our body detects it, leptin drives us to eat but it also helps us feel satisfied because of the “pleasure” of food. When ample dopamine is available, there’s less need to generate more (in other words, no need to overeat). Important Note: all brains are not the same. Some people truly can’t control eating some foods and it is not their fault. To those of you who struggle with this I always support whatever strategy or coping skill you know works for you. But for those of you who are simply struggling with random mindless eating, working on slowing down and being more cognitive of your enjoyment of food is important if you are one of those people who are always dieting and concerned with weight.

Here is an example: have you ever had a desire for a specific food (say, pizza) but did not feel it was a healthy choice, or maybe you are dieting and it definitely is not on your diet plan……so you do everything in your power to resist giving in. You decide you will make a salad with grilled chicken instead, but after eating it you just don’t feel satisfied (plus, you really weren’t in the mood for chicken and there was absolutely no enjoyment). So you decided to grab a few crackers. That didn’t help. How about some fruit, that’s healthy. Still no satisfaction. Add on rice cakes, yogurt, more fruit. Now, your tummy is feeling a bit full and confused. You finally break down and order some pizza. After a few slices you are definitely too full, and not feeling too good. Instead, wouldn’t it be a better idea if you had originally just ordered pizza? If you sat down and enjoyed a few slices with no distraction, you would definitely have felt better. Yet, people (especially dieters) get it stuck in their heads that they can only eat certain foods and they will surely gain weight if they eat something not considered diet-friendly (in other words, fattening, like pizza, right?) But is pizza really “fattening” if you only eat enough to satisfy your hunger, feel normal fullness (no tummy ache) and get rid of that craving? If you avoid eating all of those “permitted” foods that don’t get rid of your craving anyway? Can you just give yourself permission to choose a food just because you really enjoy it?

If you can start to pay attention to your true preferences, that is a first step. The next step is taking just a few minutes for a reality check. Your schedule is different than mine, and mine is different than my neighbor’s, co-worker’s and my sister’s. I am the only one who knows what I have to do this week. YOU are the only one who knows what YOUR week looks like. What do you HAVE to do and where do you HAVE to be?  I don’t have teenagers to cart around anymore so I don’t have to pick up my son at football practice at 6 pm or drive my daughter to her friend’s house to do a project. Instead, I may have flower beds to weed, and windows to wash, or parties to plan. I like watching The Blacklist, or Designated Survivor but thanks to modern technology, a favorite TV show is not a HAVE TO anymore. But I do know that on Sundays I have to get to that grocery store so I can cook in the late afternoon, usually making something extra (such as grilling or roasting extra chicken that was on sale) so that I can pop into freezer bags to use later in the week when I come how and there is “no food” in the house. I have found you can make a variety of fast meals with grilled chicken (chicken quesadilla, chicken Caesar, chicken and pasta, chicken salad, chicken and rice, etc). The point being, I have learned the only time I can carve out is usually on Sunday afternoon. I arrange visiting my mom, socializing with friends, writing, work stuff, etc. at other times. But I have made it a priority to be sure I have healthy but yummy food available during the week so that I don’t have to spend money ordering out and so my husband and I can easily have time to connect during the week (even for that short dinner time, it still is quality time). When you have kids who are doing things and going places, this is not as easy, but even more important to look ahead and plan. If you are the type of person who kind of “flies by the seat of your pants” then this may not be easy. It means stopping for a minute, finding a calendar and writing things down. Who has what and when? Is there a flexible day or consistent time where you can carve out a time to cook? Freezer bags help. Then, even if it is only one day a week to start (that is how busy families are these days) at least you can plan that one sit-down dinner with your partner or family, or even if it is just yourself. Make it special by lighting a candle. Turn off all electronics. If you are not someone who is ever going to cook, then whatever it is (can of raviolis, frozen dinner or take-out) just practice slowing down. Take it out of the wrapper or whatever, put it on a plate, take the time to look at your meal and then slowly enjoy it in a mindful way. As you practice this slowing down and derive some pleasure with eating a meal, you will find yourself not only enjoying the process but feeling more connected to your body and your fullness. For those of you with families and kids, giving them this experience is a gift they will pass on. It will be a memory they likely will cherish forever. Even if it is only on Sunday.

The bottom line: slow down.

Food is not the enemy. It should be a joyful part of life that adds to your health in more ways than protein, vitamins and minerals. Bon appetit!

Families and Food: What Legacy Will YOU Leave Behind?

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized1 Comment

soupA week ago my family lost our dad to cancer. Although it has been a sad time for all of us, there was something joyful about going through old pictures and reminiscing about all the good times he gave us. As the dust settles, and we all find ourselves trying to get used to the “new normal” as one wise person I know described it, a few food and eating topics came to mind that I should write about. I decided to first write about what I am going to refer to as a “food legacy”.

I had to be sure “legacy” was the right word, so I looked it up. According to the Mirriam-Webster dictionary:

Simple Definition of legacy

  • : something (such as property or money) that is received from someone who has died

  • : something that happened in the past or that comes from someone in the past

As we reminisced these past few days, I realized one of the most wonderful gifts my dad gave us were memories that revolved in some way around food and eating.We all had our funny stories about how he always gave the best parts of everything to his children (such as giving us the top of the broccoli while he took the stalks, the best part of the steak, the best piece of chicken, etc.). He put everyone first, always.

But besides his unselfish personality, my dad also was old school Italian which meant a family dinner every single night. All four of us children and my mom sat at the table where he first said grace followed by the serving bowls being put on the table. Even though my parents were not wealthy and even had times of financial struggle, there was always a family dinner. If often was something cooked in tomato sauce (my mom was Italian too). I often joke that when you don’t have much money, you can always throw whatever you do have in tomato sauce, sprinkle a little cheese on it, and voila! Hence, hot dog stew! Yes, hot dog stew was actually one of my dad’s specialties, made from fresh green beans, fresh carrots and potatoes, home made tomato sauce, and of course those hot dogs. Or it could be chicken cacciatore, rice and meat in tomato sauce, classic pasta with meat sauce, and of course every Sunday was meatballs, sausage, Italian bread and pasta with sauce after church. There was also the meat and potato meals, very simple but good. TV dinners were only a few times a year when my parents went out somewhere.

Besides family meals most nights, we also spent many a holiday at my grandmother’s or aunt’s house where the food traditions were reinforced. Always the Italian dishes along with gigantic fruit and nut trays, figs, olives and pastries. My parents started some of their own traditions such as a yearly picnic in August to celebrate the birthdays of my grandmother, my mother and my sister which were all within a few days of each other and also happened at the time of the month in August the Hot Air Balloon Festival was going on in the park next to my parents house. We would all make foods that would become everyone’s favorites as time went by. Michelle and her caramel brownies, my cream puffs, the watermelon fruit basket, my dad’s barbecue chicken, Paul’s pistachio salad, Fran’s spinach bread, Ernie’s clam dip, Karen’s beans and mom’s potato salad. As I got older and had my own children, I carried on these traditions and prepared much of the same foods so my children would be sure to experience it.  When my children were growing up one of the highlights of our day was always dinner time. No matter what it was, we all sat down together to eat it. If friends were over, everybody ate (it is true what they say about Italians, at least in my family, we always make enough to feed the army as my mom always says). Sometimes three kids turned into six. What I love about dinner time is it gives everyone a chance to really and truly connect. We connected about the food but also about what was going on in everyone’s lives. We talked and laughed and planned the future. Life was good growing up, and I tried to recreate that for my own children.

Today, things are different. Kids have cell phones, people are more electronically connected, both parents work, life is busier it seems. I have learned from the hundreds or probably thousands of families I have worked with over the years that family dinners are not always happening. Not everyone has the time or energy to keep family dinner and traditions in their lives. It may not seem that important at that moment when you are exhausted from a ten hour work day and you have ten minutes to get your son to baseball practice. We know family meals promote healthier children both physically and psychologically, but in my experience, especially after this week, I feel family meals are much more than that in a spiritual way. They can become a very important way to incorporate connection and meaning into a child’s life, even into an adult’s life.

If you are one of those busy parents or even if you don’t have children, live alone or with a partner, there is a way to start creating connection through meals and food. Some suggestions:

  • Look at your calendar ahead of time. Is there even a day or two when nothing is planned, no sports events, no commitments where you can plan a family meal?
  • Keep it simple. Even if it is take out food, plan to eat together.
  • Turn off all electronics. No cell phones, no TV, no eating in the bedroom. No distractions other than conversations.
  • Don’t allow arguing or discussing heavy matters at the table. Keep it positive. Ask about one great thing that happened that day. Make it enjoyable.
  • Ask family members such as aunts, grandparents or cousins for family recipes. All of my holiday cookie recipes I got from my Aunt Maryanne (she was the baker in the family, not my mom. I love my mother’s cooking, but her cakes looked like the leaning Tower of Pisa)
  • Start your own traditions. My neighbor has a yearly July 4th party to celebrate her mother who passed away then. We have been making “infused fruit” which we serve in our garden on tables with flowers and table cloths and classic music. We have rum raison bananas, grilled infused pineapple, Margarita melon balls, etc. People meander about enjoying the fruit, music and garden. Everyone loves it. As far as holidays, Christmas Eve is always baked stuffed shrimp, New Year’s day is lasagna.

I am so thankful for all of the wonderful memories my dad gave me. Memories around food and eating, the importance of family meals and celebrating together with food is a legacy he left that I hope to give to my family, too. What about you?

 

5 Mistakes Parents Make With Picky Eaters

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized2 Comments

eating-watermelon-1-1324695I dislike beets. I have tried them 7 times. To me they taste like dirt. The 20 bite rule is hard for me when it comes to beets (I really want to give up). For those of you who aren’t familiar with the 20 bite rule, it just means you really don’t know if you like a food until you have tried it at least 20 times. It only took me about 5 times to know I actually did like sushi (not all of it, but the one I was persistent with trying, and even though it has fried tempura shrimp on top, it still counts as sushi). The point is that we all have foods that we don’t like, don’t want to try, or even make us go “eeeewww”.

When it comes to getting children to eat, most caring, wonderful parents that I have met tend to practice the same strategies with no success. I call them “old school” strategies because they are the same old things we have always done to try to get our kids to eat. Although I have shared a few posts on feeding kids and picky eating, I recently read an article in the Hartford Current(January 3, 2016) about Kids and food, and saying the right things. It brought up some great points and made me realize this stuff is worth repeating.

Parenting is not an easy thing, and we all look back with some regrets at the way we did things. But if you want to raise a child who grows up to be an adult with a healthy relationship to food, read these 5 common mistakes parents make, along with a better way.

Mistake #1. Making a child sit at the table until he finishes the peas (or meat, or green beans, or heaven forbid, the beets). If you have done this, you know what happens. Some kids will sit for hours and make a scene. Others will stuff the peas in, gag, and sometimes vomit or spit out the food. If you were forced to eat that one food you despise, what would be your reaction? I would be pissed! Is it no surprise that your child does not behave that well when forced into this situation? The down side of this is the table becomes a terrible place to be. It would not increase the likelihood of trying that food in the future and actually, due to the terrible experience, could turn off someone for good.

Instead, feeding therapists often use a “food scientist” approach to non-preferred foods. For example, the food will be on the table, or even a small amount may be on the child’s plate, but just for “exploration”. What color is it? purple. Is it hard or soft? a little soft. What does it smell like? dirt. Can you lick it? Yes, it is a little sweet, hhhhmmmm. No pressure. Just exposure in a fun, non-threatening way. and the good thing is the table is still a fun place to be.

Mistake#2: Making a child finish his plate. Or refusing seconds to a child. Imagine it is one of those days you ate a late lunch out with friends, and then came home and your husband decided to make an early dinner. You sit down to this beautiful dinner but you really are not that hungry. He piles your plate high with mashed potatoes and gravy, a large slab of turkey, stuffing and a big salad on the side. You tell him you just aren’t that hungry, however he says you have to finish the entire plate. Not a morsel can be left. How would you feel? Again, your body is giving you an appropriate message that you are not that hungry, yet your husband is telling you not to listen to your own natural body signals. You feel you have to force that food down, you feel stuffed and not good, and again, the table is not a fun place to be. The same holds true if the opposite occurs. Imagine you missed lunch and come home famished. The same lovely meal is waiting for you, however this time your husband says “that’s enough for you”. You wanted more potatoes but he won’t give them to you. You leave the table feeling hungry and still thinking about food (and when he goes to bed, because you are an adult, you probably would just go heat some up. But for a child, this triggers sneaking food, which then leads to feelings of shame, clearly not good for a kids self-esteem).

Instead, encourage a child to “listen to your tummy”. Start with smaller portions so you don’t end up throwing away food, then give more if a child finishes. Or simply save the leftover food for a snack for later. This prevents drama, and guess what…..makes the table a more fun place to be, along with teaching the importance of honoring your hunger and fullness. Kids usually have this internal mechanism that will keep them growing normally  until we adults ruin it with forcing them to over or under eat.

Mistake #3: Allowing a child to graze or nibble all day long. When kids are picky and refuse meals, or don’t eat much at a meal, parents worry. They think their child is not getting enough nutrition and they really want them to grow. So, if the child asks for some crackers in between, mom is going to give them. Sometimes, a bowl of the snack is left on a coffee table so a toddler can go help herself. The end result is a child who is nibbling all day long on foods that don’t typically provide much nutrition, and then when dinner rolls around, the child has no appetite. Sometimes, the pressure starts, the scolding, the forcing, again, all leading to a negative experience. Imagine picking on food all day long. Are you really in the mood for a full meal when you can’t really tell if you are hungry or full?

Instead, parents should provide 6 opportunities to eat. Breakfast, a morning snack, lunch, an afternoon snack, dinner and one evening snack. If the child refuses lunch, then, without fanfare or pressure, the food is removed from the table (typical meal times are 20-30 minutes). If she comes around asking for food 30 minutes after lunch was offered, the answer needs to be NO. Water could be offered, but that is it. Yes, kids will cry, it is not fun, but they usually do much better at the next meal. Eventually kids get the message that they better eat at meal times or snack time because the kitchen is closed.

Mistake #4: Catering to a picky eater. Short order cooking. This is when you make that macaroni and cheese, or pick up those chicken nuggets because you know Johnny does not eat meatloaf. Or pasta. Or soup. Or fish. And on and on. And why would he? For his entire life he has gotten his nuggets. I have seen teenagers who are stuck on 3 foods because their parents catered to their picky eating. I sometimes joke that if I refused to eat unless it was lobster, I could probably get my husband to make me lobster every night ; ) People who care about us want us to be healthy, but catering to a child does not lead to healthy eating.

Instead, Ellyn Satter (see ellynsatterinstitute ) suggests offering a few “go to” foods that provide nutrition yet do not make you go out of your way. For example, most kids will eat your basic bread and butter, and will drink milk. If you are making meatloaf, potatoes and peas, don’t make a separate meal but have a basket of rolls or bread, a glass of milk and maybe some fruit. Let your child eat as much of these go to foods but do not give in and make that mac and cheese. Instead, have mac and cheese for a meal for everyone in the family once in awhile (we all like our favorite foods on the menu). If you do this along with the food scientist approach, it will be much more likely that your child will try something new. Again, this makes the dinner table a much more fun place to be.

Mistake #5: Forcing food, yelling, belittling, comparing or any other “not nice” behavior at the table. I have heard horror stories from parents about what they do to get their kids to eat. They literally have held down arms and stuck food in mouths (and you wonder why someone would hate sitting at the table?). Parents compare “your brother ate it, why can’t you?” They threaten “if you don’t eat, you won’t get dessert”. This of course could be it’s own mistake because holding back dessert to force a child to eat veggies just teaches them that something is wrong with veggies and sweets are the reward. This can stick with a person forever (when they grow up, have a job, and can afford to reward themselves whenever they want…..a big contributor to emotional eating).

Instead, set an example for your children regarding not only cooking and eating healthy food in a healthy manner (at the table, no TV, no electronics, etc) but also with using polite language. Don’t threaten. It is ok to remind children that it will be a few hours until snack time so be sure you had enough, listen to your tummy, etc. Involve children with menu planning, cooking, setting the table and clean up. Don’t use food for anything other than what it really is: something to enjoy and fuel us and keep us healthy so we can do fun things.

In the end, dinner times can create the most wonderful memories yet. Just keep it happy if you can. I miss those days with 3 kids chatting away around the table, then teenagers, and even the additional friends. It was a blast and even today, when I make certain foods, I think of them. Jen loved stuffed shrimp. Kara loved pesto pasta. Dan loved everything (beef stew for his friend Nick, banana pancakes for half the football team-rumor has it that I made the best of all the moms…just saying).

So start making precious memories of your own. The table is not the place for battles.

And I am going to keep trying beets. At least 13 more times.