7 Health Tips I Learned From My Week With an Eight and Ten Year Old

On By jodietitianIn UncategorizedLeave a comment
The Face of Joy

I spent at least a week preparing for their visit. It would be the first time two special little girls were flying for their first time in an airplane to come for their very first visit to the East Coast. My son has been raving about his girlfriend’s two little girls for a few years now, and how special they were. He really wanted our large Italian family to meet them, and so this Thanksgiving things finally fell together and they came to visit for the week.

 

Melanie is eight and Savannah is ten, and I really wanted them to feel at home. If you have never been to Justice, a store for little girls (and those who love unicorns) and you have a little girl you need to impress, well Justice is your store. I picked up two colorful and glittery pillows in the shape of an “M” and “S” for their beds. I bought Z bars and Flip Yogurts, their favorite snacks. I picked up some cool coloring books and colored pencils. I could just picture them sitting and peacefully coloring.

And they did. For a minute or two. What I quickly learned was that these two little girls, age 8 and 10 had a different idea of how they like to spend their time. Think perpetual motion interspersed with sudden bouts of quiet when they would become intrigued with something that caught their eye. I found myself belly laughing, suddenly playing, being joyfully buried in leaves, hula hooping, making up dance moves and in general, totally immersed in their lifestyle. Now that the dust has finally settled, the sheets are washed and changed in the guest room, the random socks and trinkets have been found and the leftovers gone, I have realized I learned a lot from those energetic sweethearts……so I wanted to share it. Maybe it can help you consider other strategies to be healthy besides the rigid controls we try to put in place in our lives that tend to set us up for failure. Maybe it isn’t that hard after all if you think like an eight year old. So, for all you little girls at heart, here are the tips:

  1. When it comes to making decisions about what to eat, pick your favorite.  The girls and their mom have never seen Boston and so we did a day trip there, and started out at Faneuil Hall. If you have never been there it can only be described as a 2 block long building lined with vendors serving every food imaginable. Seafood, Asian, burgers, ice cream, Southern, Italian, candy, smoothies, you name it. After inspecting the entire place with a slow walk-through I volunteered to take the girls back to get what they wanted. For me, this is always torture. I can’t make up my mind but usually end up getting the gigantic scallops wrapped in crispy bacon since I never make that at home. I assumed the girls were going to take forever, this being their first visit. Nope. They knew exactly what they wanted. One picked macaroni and cheese with broccoli and chicken, and the other picked barbecue chicken wings with a side of carrots (honestly) and they both wanted yogurt smoothies. When we got to the smoothie counter, I panicked as there were about 99 choices. It took less than a minute for them to pick out what they wanted (one mango and one papaya). How did they do that? I was jealous. Then, it occurred to me that for a child picking your favorite things is logical. They are not thinking like I do (what can’t I make at home? what will sustain me for this entire day?). Nope, they very calmly and intuitively picked what they wanted. Phew. But the carrots….? Later on we did get to the famous Italian bakery where they also immediately knew what flavor gelato they wanted.
  2. You don’t have to finish it. I chuckled several times when I would find an apple that was nibbled around the middle (best part) like a little squirrel had gotten a hold of it. Or the half eaten banana pancakes and 3/4 piece of toast and nutella. Milk or hot cocoa cups left 1/4 full. Two out of six chicken wings consumed, the rest brought home for another time. Yes, these little girls were pretty intuitive when it came to how much to eat. Thankfully, their mom was fine about them leaving food or drinks, most of which was wrapped for a later snack (or consumed by my son). It struck me how natural it was for them to listen to their fullness, but how hard it is for many adults. It is a “sin to throw food away” to some of us. But why does that mean we have to stuff it in and possibly get that uncomfortable too full feeling just because we need to clean our plate? Yes, the fridge gets kind of cluttered with those little wrapped leftovers, however feeling good matters too. FYI they did consume entire grinders at Subway (6 inch) after a long hike in the woods. They were hungry, nothing left but a few scraps of lettuce (and most of the mini-bag of chips).
  3. Spend a lot of time outdoors. I will never look at a pile of leaves the same way. Their first day here the only thing on their minds was getting outside to jump in leaves. Apparently, this does not happen much in Colorado where they live since most of the trees are evergreen. Thankfully, we never finished our fall cleanup since the leaves were late in falling. They threw on jackets and ran outside, grabbed the rakes and in no time had a gigantic pile. They thoughtfully planned out how they were going to do this. They lined up about 20 feet away and bolted, jumping joyfully into the pile as if they just entered Disney world. They did this for hours. Coats came off, hats were thrown as their bodies got warmed up from all the moving. Of course I let them bury me so that I could scare my son and pop out of the leaves once they brought him out of the house to find me (hint: if you have a touch of claustrophobia and feel like you can’t breath under a pile of leaves, if you make a tiny tunnel to see the sky it really helps. The quiet under their is heavenly when you can breathe). At night we had a bonfire and these girls ran around with my nephew’s 6 year old daughter for hours into the night. Chasing the dogs, squealing, their joy was contagious. Yes, it was a bit cool, but that’s what jackets and hats and gloves are for. I forgot how fun it was to play outside. It felt so good.
  4.  Break the rules, go off the beaten path. Getting into trouble and breaking the law is not what I am talking about. We adults tend to walk on the sidewalk, or on a marked trail with a destination in mind. We don’t always notice the beautiful things around us as we go where we are going. These girls don’t miss any opportunity to explore. While walking through Boston Savannah just blurted out “I want to climb something!” This random declaration made me laugh! Who thinks like that? Well, we eventually came upon the statue of Paul Revere on his horse, which the girls did try to climb but weren’t too successful. However they were successful in finding a stairwell that led up to a balcony near the giant Christmas Tree near Faneuil Hall for a much better view. Not enough time to list all of the other wonderful experiences I had just because I was with two little girls who knew how to have fun…off the beaten path.
  5. Rock-Paper-Scissors really solves problems. Don’t you get tired of arguing with adults about things that often don’t really matter? You want to go to the movies. They want to go visit friends. You want to order pizza, they want Chinese. You want the remote. They want the remote. And on and on and on. I know couples who think way to much about the reasons it should be their way. There are always good reasons on both sides, but last week I witnessed first hand how rocks-paper-scissors solves problems and quickly restores peace. Try it. Living in a peaceful environment is good for our bodies.
  6. Think about others and have empathy. We may think of little kids as instinctively selfish and wanting everything for themselves. They have not gone through much yet in their little lives and it is a learning process. I was blown away however by the instinctual empathy and caring that these little girls showed during their week with us. Granted, they are blessed to have a wonderful family and love in their lives, and that surely helps. But, it seemed to me they were simply being kids. For example, many children love their stuffed animals. They often treat them like they are real, giving them the best spot on the couch, in bed, on the car ride, etc. Well, one day I decided to take the girls to a Nature Center with a gift store, animal barns and lots of hiking trails in the woods. We spent time in the little museum, I let them pick one small item from the little gift shop (Savannah picked a mini-bear that came in a mini-backpack, and Melanie picked the same thing but a bunny). The girls were delighted with these tiny 2 inch toys and so we proceeded to harass the cows and chickens, and then started on one of the trails. It went on and on, and after about 45 minutes of hiking in the woods I decided we should turn around because it was not coming out back on the main road where I thought it would. And it was getting cloudy. We started back and Melanie spotted a log she just had to try to walk across. We convinced her to keep moving so we could get back. As we walked, Melanie was trying to come up with a name for her bunny, finally settling on “Pouchy”. Only about 3 minutes later, she suddenly cried “I can’t find Pouchy!” Oh no. Her sister tried to help her search her pockets. She was sobbing. We turned around and retraced our steps all the way to the log where she last had it, but it was no where to be found. So we headed back as her sister and I tried to console her. I stupidly said “the store is still open, maybe we can get another one!”. Wrong thing to say, as Savannah filled me in: you can’t replace something you already named. Well, if you are an uncaring adult who does not understand you can. But if you are an empathetic and loving child, of course you can’t replace it. There is only one Pouchy. It felt like a death just occurred. I was hoping this would not ruin our entire day. Thankfully, right as we got back to the spot where the meltdown occurred, Savannah spotted her sister’s little pet. Thank God. She dried her tears (with the help of her sister) and on to the next adventure we went. I wish I could bottle the energy from that week. Thinking about others, truly caring about their feelings gives us an amazing feeling that has to be good for our bodies, too.
  7. Crash when you need to. My body felt like I ran a marathon the day they left. Those girls have energy, but the one thing I noticed was they also listened to their body when they were finally spent. They would plop on the floor, grab those coloring books and pencils and go to town with art work. Or maybe cuddle on the couch and watch a cartoon for awhile. Sometimes, they would just jump up to be held with their head on your shoulder. I don’t think we adults give ourselves permission to do that when we need to. We tend to tune out our bodies because we have “things to do”. And then we may get overly tired, grumpy or even sick. Instead, take it from the girls, have a blast but take a rest when you need it.

There are more stories to tell about that week that would make you laugh for sure. Maybe my week with these little girls was so special because it was a reminder of how I used to be. It is not easy to remember that simple living, and not possible to truly live like an 8 year old, but certainly there are some lessons to be learned about what is truly important in life as far as having a healthy body and mind.

As they say, “Tis the Season to Be Jolly”. Maybe we can make it last past the holidays!

 

Being Thankful For Good Enough

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized1 Comment
great book by Veronique Vienne

Anxiety over imperfection. That is the statement that got stuck in my brain at 4:45 am this morning as I was struggling to make myself stay asleep. Despite telling myself that today is the only day this week I can sleep in….I just couldn’t. When you are tormenting yourself about whether you should make mashed potatoes or not for your Thanksgiving Dinner it is hard to sleep. What is going on here? What happened to my priorities?

Sometimes I feel I have been fighting this my entire life. Not sure, but I am guessing I have already written a post about it (so forgive me if this is repetitive). Although at this stage in my life having “things”perfect is not at all important to me (anyone who has witnessed what my hair looks like on any given day of the week can testify to this). And if you glance upwards in my house in almost any room it will confirm to you that perfection is not something I suffer with (and the spiders are very happy about that). But that is my physical world. When it comes to “performance” or maybe it’s behavior, or how I may be affecting other people, well that is a different story.

I am guessing I am not the only one who absolutely needed to get the A on a report card. Back in my high school years that C+ I got in typing really bothered me (I told myself I would never take a job where I needed to type anyway and that helped me deal with it..remember, computers weren’t invented yet). Unfortunately, I couldn’t predict this modern world where I have to type every day of the week. Anyway, as time went on, this feeling of wondering if what I was doing was good enough seemed to get worse as responsibilities grew. The first time I was criticized by the chief dietitian in a medical center where I was doing a practicum almost crushed me. It was just the start of my career in the nutrition field and my first experience working in a research hospital, and even though I was not a dietitian yet, it was a lot of pressure. I thought I was doing my best. Yes, I was very shy back then and spoke very softly. That is what put her over the edge I think. She took me in her office and pretty much yelled at me for not being confident. It was horrible. For heaven’s sake, I was probably 19 years old. Although I left in tears, in the end, like all painful experiences, it was a gift. It took a while to digest it all but she was right. I needed to work on this, and so I did. By the end of the summer practicum when I had to do a presentation in front of a large group (well, about 25 people, to me that was big) I nailed it.

But that did not change that inner voice that seemed to always question if I was doing enough. Enter my first child, Jennifer. I was proud of myself for making it through a long labor the natural way, it is what I went to those birthing classes for and I did it! But could I successfully breast feed my new baby? I will never forget my wonderful Italian grandmother looking at me with doubt. She actually said “are you sure you are going to have enough?” She was assuming the size of your breasts were correlated with how much milk you could make. Thank goodness that is not true, but I panicked anyway. She was wrong. I was a natural.

After two more babies, I was blessed to be able to be a “stay-at-home” mother. I had so much energy and was able to keep up with the house, food, laundry, dirty diapers, doctor’s visits, holidays, playgroups, you name it. So why was I feeling like I was still “not enough”because I was no longer “the dietitian”? I was not making any money anymore and it felt weird. Most mothers I know today would have been thrilled to do what I was able to do. Of course, years later after going back to school and work (at the same time) it dawned on me that those years of staying home with babies was much harder than working full time and going to school. I always joke about the joys of getting to go to the bathroom by yourself, or even getting a lunch break where you can actually finish a sandwich. That does not happen on a regular basis for stay-at-home parents.

So then life went on and with experience came confidence in the job/career world at least. Now I know what I don’t know. It is probably a lot but that is totally ok with me because wherever I am working I have no problem asking for help or guidance. It took years to learn that it is alright that you don’t know everything. We learn so much from those around us, whether it is our patients, our students, our co-workers or in my case, even my children. Not knowing it all is not the problem. It is worrying about making everyone happy. That is my conclusion and that is what woke me up this cozy rainy Sunday morning when I should be sleeping.

So back to the potatoes. Are you planning your holiday dinner and wondering about the same silly things? You want the table to look pretty. You want to be sure everyone has a place to sit (in my case anyway). The bathroom needs to be clean. You need to have everyone’s favorite (so even if just one person wants pecan pie, well you need to make it).But what if you didn’t? Would it really matter?

In the end, for me anyway, there is lots of joy derived from all of this. For example, my sister-in-law Michelle is making my son’s favorite brownies as well as pumpkin moon pies. If you despise baking because it is so much work (like I do) that kind of tedious work sounds painful. But to her, I know the pay-off is seeing the smile on my son’s face when he sees that plate. Money can’t buy that feeling. When you give, you receive. Making people happy is a wonderful thing. But is there a line there, a limit to how much energy we should invest? Finding the balance between joy and stress? When does making people happy become a problem?

Only you have that answer. This time of year can bring a lot of both, joy and stress. The need for perfection in yourself, be it in your physical world (body, clothes, clean house, etc) certainly makes it harder. Needing to make everyone perfectly happy can also make this time of year hard. Getting the perfect present, making the perfect meal, sending the perfect card. I ask, do you care what gift you get, or what card, or what food is served when you gather with family and friends? Probably not. It is the people that are around us, the love, the laughter that matters. And I can’t wait for that! Mashed potatoes or no mashed potatoes, I bet nobody cares.

This will be the first Thanksgiving without my dad and we will miss him. I am going to make that pecan pie anyway because he is the one who liked it. I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving and hope you enjoy all that is truly important. The people around you.

 

 

 

Do We Need to Measure Body Fat in Children?

On By jodietitianIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Children 3Because I am a member of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics (AND) as well as the Weight Management Practice Group, I receive regular emails and updates from them, many very informative. But this week I was floored by one that advertised this: “Join us for our November Pediatric Weight Management Webinar: Measuring adiposity in children – what’s the best method? 

Really? OK, is it me, or is this crazy? Am I missing something? To make it clear, I am not referring to evaluating body fat to determine level of malnutrition. I was fortunate to receive training from the hospital where I work in diagnosing malnutrition based on different criteria. It is the thought of using various methods to determine body fat in children that you already know you are going to treat for “obesity”. Yes, I get it, those people who equate perfect weight with perfect health. The whole “obesity epidemic” and those who worry about kids health because of this (as if weight alone or even body fat is the cause of disease, it is not). When I worked full time at an outpatient children’s hospital, yes, there were children with pre-diabetes and hyperinsulinemia or Nonalcoholic steatohepatitis (NASH) who had gained too much weight (according to their individual growth charts, they had veered off which was not normal for them). But focusing on the body composition of a child like this does nothing but continue to label and villainize the poor child even more. The problem is inevitably not the weight, it is the lifestyle change that led to the abnormal (key word=abnormal) weight gain. You cannot, I repeat cannot know if a child’s weight is “normal” or not just by looking at them. Or weighing them.You absolutely need to see their growth chart.

I have ranted on and on about reasons I am not a fan of BMI (Body Mass Index, determined by calculating out a number based on weight and height). Just as a reminder, this number is meaningless when it comes to measuring muscle mass verses fat mass or even water weight so that athletes who tend to be heavier due to all that muscle often have BMI’s in the “obese” range. I am sure I have told the story that always sticks in my mind of the little boy who was about 10 years old and referred to us for “obesity”. How I went to the waiting room to find a very fit looking young man with a very worried look on his face. How when I asked his mom what brought them here, he blurted out “I have obesity. Am I going to die?!” It absolutely broke my heart. I just came out and told him (after looking at his growth chart and seeing that he had been plotting along a certain percentile for weight and height since he was an infant) that his doctor made a mistake. “Your doctor must have forgotten to look at your growth chart! You are fine!” Phew. He literally wiped his forehead as if he just escaped a close call. Come to find out, he was an athlete and very competitive in more than one sport, and he was as healthy as any kid could be. BMI, obesity, see why I hate the terms?

Anyway, after looking into the research a bit, it seems we are more obsessed with getting the “numbers” right instead of figuring out how to actually help people. I was trained decades ago to use the triceps skin-fold method of determining body fat. I hated it because I never felt I could get it right (“am I pulling out muscle or skin or fat? this doesn’t feel right”). Maybe it is just me, but I just never felt confident in it (and have never used it). There are other methods to determine body fat, and I am guessing many people have seen (or own) those scales that supposedly can tell your body fat in addition to the force of gravity on your body. I remember my son telling me back when he was a high school athlete that he was 80 percent fat because his friend’s mother’s scale said so. I just laughed and thankfully he just shrugged it off because it was blatantly inaccurate. But still, I am imagining a lot of people believe those scales and are thrown into a self-deprecating tizzy every morning. But according to that upcoming webinar, we dietitian’s and other health care professionals should be not only paying attention to body fat but learning the best way to measure it.

So now all I can imagine is adding one more invasive scary thing to an already traumatized and singled out chubby kid. It is bad enough to be openly labeled by your trusted pediatrician but then to have someone pulling and squeezing calipers on your body, or measuring your waist or running a weak electric current through you to see how fat you are because we don’t already know by your weight or BMI we just figured out, no,we need to do a few more things to your poor innocent body to see just how horrible you really are. Oh, and at the end of your visit, don’t you feel like going home and eating your vegetables?

OK, I get it, and we all know that a certain kind of body fat is more dangerous. And it is not the fat on our thighs…. for a good explanation as to why experts are concerned, see this article Body fat Types. While we can’t ignore the fact that increasing visceral fat does affect our health, I just don’t get why we need to measure it because in the end, aren’t we still going to have to figure out how to help people? Does it really help to tell someone what percentage body fat they have? And when it comes to children, why on earth do we need to subject them to anything like this? If we are talking about your otherwise healthy child going to the pediatrician’s office for a yearly visit, if BMI is useless, why would this add anything helpful at all? In the end, it boils down to what kind of lifestyle a parent is able to provide for their child. Right? I understand time is very limited at the doctor’s office, and they really need to cover a lot. I have heard the stories, and that is what affects my opinion. From what I hear from parents, most doctors really don’t have time to get the details of what their barriers are as far as achieving a healthy lifestyle. So they just have to resort to handing out the typical advice: Don’t buy soda. Limit juice to once a day. Limit screen time to 2 hours or less. Get 60 minutes of physical activity. Make half your plate vegetables and fruit. Eat at the table. Have family meals. Well, that is great if you have the means and ways to achieve these goals. But lots of families I know just can’t do this. They may not have the income to afford those veggies and fruits and that giant jar of chip/Cheetos/pretzel mix for a few dollars at Walmart will feed your 3 children for longer than 3 apples. Maybe grandma is watching your children after school in a neighborhood where you can’t safely go for a 60 minute walk, and so video games really come in handy. Does your pediatrician ask about these things? The good news, at least in Connecticut, is that some pediatricians are hiring dietitians who actually do have the time to find out all the details of a family’s life and who then can help with the barriers. Yes, these doctors must understand that achieving a healthy lifestyle is more complicated that the healthcare experts think. We are not all created equal and our lives and resources are not the same.

That is why I keep hoping the madness will stop. We will eventually get it that focusing on BMI is not helpful at all. Did I get it wrong, or didn’t the American Academy of Pediatrics just come out with the paper on focusing on health and NOT weight loss? I shared it a few posts ago. I was happy. So then why am I getting these emails about measuring body fat in children? Even if we figured out a way to accurately and in a noninvasive way know what a child’s body fat was….would it change our intervention? Aren’t we supposed to just be focusing on promoting health? Then how can this help?

Frankly, I don’t care what someone’s body fat is. I want to help people be healthier. Whether someone has a lot of the dangerous kind of fat, or the other kind of fat, or no concerns about fat at all. I think we all could benefit from doing all the things we can to be healthier. More sleep, less screen time, less stress, more family meals, more fruits and vegetables, less McDonald’s, more water, more fun movement…..more sanity.

I won’t be attending that webinar. No offense, dietitians, I know the intentions are good. I know the goal is not to humiliate children, and we all say we need to focus on families and parenting, but from my experience, kids are smarter than you think. If you talk about their BMI and then start pinching their arms with calipers, they will get the message, no matter what you say or how you say it. Is it really necessary?

I say no. How about handing out free hula hoops? Now that sounds like progress….compared to calipers.

How Kindness Affects Your Health

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized1 Comment

This past Friday when I left work I was feeling a bit stressed thinking about everything I wanted to do, and needed to get done over the weekend. My husband and I were planning on going out on a “date” because he was finally feeling better after having some minor surgery and I was really looking forward to it, but I needed to get to the grocery store first. I was making dinner on Saturday night for special company and I wanted it to be good. It was a gorgeous and warm Fall afternoon and I was hoping to get a walk in before our “date”since these days of beautiful weather are certainly numbered. Anyway, I pulled into the grocery store and of course, my luck, the car in front of me was taking FOREVER to park. FINALLY this car made it into a handicap spot, and then I felt kind of guilty for having no patience. I pulled around and parked my car, then walked quickly to get a carriage. Being the nosy person I am sometimes, I had to watch as this person was getting out of her car….or attempting to. I kind of froze in my tracks, watched and waited. She was a tiny little white-haired woman of maybe 5 feet tall. And she appeared to be struggling with something (getting out of the car? standing up?). So I just had to go check to see what was going on with her (I was hoping she would not be afraid that some stranger was approaching her). As I got closer I could see her struggling to get her walker out of the car and keep the door open at the same time. “Do you need some help?” I asked. She was so sweet, just like she looked and said “well, that would be nice, thank you”. It made me sad that she was alone, and I made some kind of comment like “wow, that is great that you are driving! My mom hates to drive”. I almost laughed when she said “well, I probably shouldn’t be! I am 94 years old!”. Yikes and Wow. Anyway, she proceeded to tell me that she usually has her niece pick up a few things for her, but today she could not wait because the town was doing a food pantry collection tomorrow morning and she needed to have a bag ready for them to pick up. She seemed so unsteady (after throwing her walker in a carriage she then uses the carriage as a walker apparently….that is the technique). So I just decided to walk around and chat with her as she shopped, giving her my opinion on what I thought would be good for a food pantry. She talked about her older (yes, older) sister who was not mobile, in a wheel chair but according to my new friend, her older sister is still “with it”, so smart “she could do your taxes!” she said. I found out that she has a neighbor who helps her too, and takes out her trash. By the time she checked out and I walked her to her car, I felt like I made a new friend. We actually exchanged numbers (her name is Leah) and I made her promise to call me if she was stuck and needed something (I kind of agreed with her that maybe she should not be driving). I worried about how she was going to get those groceries out (I made sure to separate everything so nothing was heavier than a jar of spaghetti sauce) and made her promise she would only take a few things at a time.

When she drove away I went back and did my shopping, but I felt especially happy. I felt like I shared a special time with someone who has been on this earth for 94 years. And remained sweet and kind and polite and just, well, nice. Someone who had determination and mustered the strength to do something kind of challenging (and scary)……. because she needed to help others. What an inspiration. I got so much from this encounter and it stuck with me.

Finally, after a very busy but fun weekend I had a chance to think about it. I decided to look into the research a bit. My question was “is there any connection between kindness and health?” Because clearly this special woman was so kind and giving, yet despite her older age she seemed content and happy. I also was affected from trying to be kind (not sure what drew me to help her, I think it may have been more about fear of an old person falling than consciously thinking about being kind). Anyway, what I found was striking, although I kind of expected it. YES, there is a connection between kindness and health, and get this….it probably starts with kindness to yourself. Yup, being good to yourself. Treating yourself with love and respect. That “self-talk” I have mentioned before, that can really affect your behavior if it is negative (“why did I eat that!? that was so stupid!), or worse. If you have ever heard someone beat themselves up for what they eat (or if you have done it yourself) then you know what I mean. Well, that kind of emotional beating does not lead to health. It usually leads to self-destructive behavior or even depression. According to this research study: The Affect of Loving Kindness  “Loving-kindness meditation (LKM) is a special type of Buddhist meditation that aims to cultivate unconditional kind attitudes toward oneself and others”. This is not some kind of religious thing, it is just an approach to life (oneself and others) that apparently is good for us. More research is needed it appears, but even the fact that psychologists are using the technique (or approach) called LKM or Loving Kindness Meditation is amazing to me. The fact that focusing on how you are thinking both toward yourself, and toward others, can affect your happiness is pretty cool if you ask me. We are all different in our brain chemistry (some people may be more prone to depression or eating disorders for instance), and all of us go through hard times and get depressed. But what if we made an attempt to think of others instead of ourselves? Could it really work to make us happier?

I think it needs to start with yourself. It has taken me years to be kinder to myself. I wish I treated myself the way I do now, but 20 years ago I gave myself a hard time. I expected way too much of myself if you ask me. Now, it is funny but as long as I feel I am doing my best (I make mistakes, say dumb things, do dumb things, but if my intentions are good, well, I forgive myself and move on). Back then, I didn’t. Then, when I started to work with people with eating issues, I learned that a lot of people are not good to themselves at all. For them, their eating was the focus of their lives, and it needed to be perfect. Nothing was good enough as far as how my patients looked at their eating, their bodies, or themselves. LKM may have really helped them. Especially with themselves. Learning first to be kind to yourself frees you to reap the rewards of being kind to others.

During the next few days we are going to decide our next President. I really don’t care what side you are on. I know people, really wonderful and kind-hearted friends who think differently and will vote differently than I will. But I am hoping that we all think about loving kindness, and being good to each other. Remember, most people (well, if you ask me) are good. We just may disagree on the way we look at things, but that is ok. Please think of my new friend Leah, a woman who can barely walk, yet who managed to get out and buy food for the needy, because that is what was burning on her mind, and that is what she needed to accomplish, and she did.  I want to be like Leah. I hope you do too.

 

 

Missing My Bellbottom Days:Middle-Age Clothing Crisis

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized3 Comments
My New Dress…..

I lied. It is not my middle-age clothing crisis because my husband has informed me that after the age of 50 a person is officially OLD AGED. He’s a big help. I have trouble with remembering that I truly am no longer 28 because  in my head I still think the same. I feel the same. But when I put on certain clothes that have been hanging in my closet for decades that I just can’t seem to get rid of, I clearly see that I am no longer 28.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I actually would not go back to that age if you paid me. As most older, or should I say “mature” women have learned, the things we know now, the wisdom we have gained gives most of us such a greater appreciation and enjoyment of life. Yes, we have gone through it all. And we survived, and we will keep surviving, and enjoy every minute. We have transitioned through jobs until we have found our passions. We have gone through relationships, or worked through things in relationships until we have found true peace and love. We have supported friends and family through hard times, and celebrated the good times. We are thankful and authentic. We have it all. But when it is time to get dressed to go somewhere…..well, I can only speak for myself…I am lost.

Yes, I am lost somewhere between what is appropriate, what is comfortable and what is stylish. I wish I did not care at all about clothes, but I do. One of my greatest joys is shopping with my old college roommate and best friend Marion. We have lunch (accompanied by a bit of wine) and then we walk around a beautiful outdoor mall in Connecticut and stop in our favorite stores. We try on all kinds of things, we talk each other into buying things and sometimes out of buying things. Marion tends to grab cozy sweaters, the same earth colors…(“don’t you have that?” I might say, just to save her money…). And I tend to grab the same things, too. Black shirts. Because I thought I looked good in black back then in my 20’s. Why can’t I let go of that?  And I am always searching for the perfect jeans. I have one pair I love, they are so stretchy, you can slip them on without unzipping them. And no, they are not jeggings. Theoretically, jeggings sounds like a genius invention. But I tried them on, and no, they are not. They are weird (at least on me). Although I do like style, I am also rebellious against style and fashion making fools out of us women (no offense against my friends who love those expensive pocketbooks with the letter C on them, but spending more than 100 dollars on a pocket book makes me wonder….why???). Maybe I am a hypocrite because I might spend more than 100 dollars on boots that I love and that are so comfortable I might wear them for 3 years straight (and I have).

I have thought about the phases I have gone through with clothing. It goes way back to my first memory of what I was wearing at a significant event. I was probably 2 or 3, or whatever the age is when you get your first tricycle but are not yet completely potty trained. I was sitting on that little bike with black stretch pants and a red sweater that was itchy. It was sunny out, and I was sitting there thinking “I need to pee”. But I really did not feel like walking inside the house and up the stairs to where the bathroom was. So I decided to just sit there, on my little bike and pee. Not a good idea as those black stretch pants became very hot and uncomfortable when they were wet. And that was the end of my memory, but I do remember the outfit.

My next memory was elementary school and the smocked dresses we wore. I loved them. But I was obsessed with the elastic hair clips my best friend Terry Gnazzo wore in her long straight brown hair. I thought she was very cool because she could do a split and a back walkover, a cartwheel and handspring….. and her elastics were interesting.

Junior High was boring because I attended Our Lady of Mercy and wore the uniform: a plaid skirt, white blouse, and saddle shoes. The shoes were cool. High School was in the 70’s and most girls wore bell bottoms and mini skirts. I mostly wore dresses because my butt was bigger then, and did not fit well into those hip huggers… I also was chestier and very very modest and shy, so pretty much wore whatever covered my body. When I got to college, I wore the same thing almost every day. These Tee shirts with pockets were the cool thing to wear, with jeans. I had wranglers. Then Levis. I loved my levis. I tried to find them over the years but there were so many styles, different number connotations that I just did not have the patience to figure it out. 501’s?? 401’s??? ugh, too confusing.

But the best outfit of all was the overalls. In 1976 that was what we lived in. We still had the blue tee shirt, but we also had overalls. We wore them together and we never cared about wearing the same thing every day. I remember feeling comfortable.

Then, there was the disco era. I got me a pair of designer jeans (a cheap version, but I loved them). Crop tops became the style and spandex dresses were the big thing. When I look at pictures of myself back then, I think Jersey Shore. Oh, yes, I did have leopard print shirts. Now, I hate leopard print anything.

When I had my children, thank goodness leggings and oversize sweaters were in style because I lived in them….until I went back to work and transitioned to what I call the Anne Taylor’ed look. I bought from the sale rack at that store and created the perfect professional wardrobe much of which I still own (those Anne Taylor clothes really hold up!). I have actually removed some of the shoulder pads in the blazers and may still wear them….with jeans.

So then I blinked my eyes and I was 40. I blinked again and I was 50. Then I blinked and now I am 60. And I don’t know what to wear.

I have decided on a few things:

  1. Whatever I wear, I need to be comfortable.
  2. Whatever I wear, I need to be me.
  3. Whatever I wear, I do not want attention (unless it is a holiday and I need to entertain kids).
  4. Whatever I wear, it will not cost more than my mortgage.

I do love seeing the way some women dress and put things together that just look so pretty. Or maybe they look chill. Or classy. Or uniquely them. That is what I want. To look like me, which sometimes feels very confusing. I sometimes like to feel like I am wearing something pretty, like I felt when I tried on that muted purple flowing dress in the picture above. But that dress also felt like pajamas. And it was cheap. And when you spin your arms around the sleeves flow in the air an it is really cool. Simple pleasures. But sometimes, I just want my “happy clothes”. My friend Marion knows what that means. We both bought baggie comfy jean shorts that we wear almost daily in the warm months. We have a knit sweater with a hood that we also both bought and it was not on sale but we knew it was a happy sweater and so it is and probably will always be our favorite. But then sometimes, when my husband and I go out on a “date”, I want to look like a woman who is trying to impress her date. But still be comfortable and still be herself. So that is why I like to buy those cute shirts and jackets and jeans that are not jeggings but still look good. But then I need to remember my age. No, I am not 20 or 30 or 40 0r even 50. I am 60 and I don’t want to look like someone who is trying to be young again. But then again……should I really think about any of that? So what if I love to wear black shirts and my favorite boots, or Levi jeans or even leopard shirts?

So I ask you, how do you figure out what to wear? Is it a struggle like it is for me sometimes? Do you care about what others think, or do you pick what feels good to you? I think it is ok to want to look whatever way you want to look. If you want to look fancy, then dress fancy. If you want to look down to earth, because you are down to earth, then follow your heart. If you honestly have no time or interest at all in fashion or style or any of it, and just grab what is clean and comfortable, then all the power to you. I, personally, am stuck in the middle. I love learning about people through their self expression of what they wear. I had a good friend years ago named Eileen. She was a brilliant woman with three children the same age as my kids. When I first met her at the town pool club, I judged her by her appearance (I am embarrassed to admit). She had a leopard bathing suit on with matching earrings. She always wore lots of bangles and southwestern jewelry, turquoise stones hanging from silver chains. When I finally got to know her, she became my best friend because she had a heart of gold, and we were both the same kind of mothers. Our kids were everything to us. She told me she thought she was a native American Indian in her past life because they decorated themselves, and she loved to do that too. Since then, I always looked at jewelry in that way, as a way some people decorate themselves, and it does not mean they are vain, or shallow but only that jewelry connects them with something we may just not be able to relate to.

So where do I go from here? Well, I discovered some bell bottom leggings…..to me, the best of both worlds, comfort and style. I can wear them to work, yet they feel like pajamas. I also bought me some long Hippie shirts….they are totally me, but I think they are meant for younger women. But if I throw on that Happy Sweater, I don’t think that outfit will draw attention, and that is my only fear…..but should it be? Being an “older” woman, wearing a spandex leopard dress with saddle shoes and cool hair clips…and overalls, now that may draw attention. But comfy black leggings with a colorful long hippie shirt….now I say, that could be considered appropriate at any age.

I think it may take me awhile to figure it out. But for now, it will be a fusion of all of it. Maybe some black shirts, maybe some Levis if I ever find the right ones. Definitely legging bell bottoms and hippie shirts. For sure there will be happy sweaters and happy shorts. I can already picture me when I am 80 with my baggie jean shorts, cotton knit sweater with a hood and pockets and my white hair tied up in a cool elastic. Tomorrow I plan to get rid of some stuff. Gone will be the tight shirts, the crop tops, the short shorts, the professional blazers and suit pants I really never want to wear again. I need to make room for more happy clothes.

And if I figure out how to fuse happy clothes with style, I will definitely let you know.

 

 

Feeling Stuck and Corn Stalks: Visualizing Change

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized2 Comments

Clouds and corn“I chopped down a corn stalk yesterday!” my patient (I will call Susie) said as she sat down for our session. She had binge eating disorder, and was in the habit of restricting her intake severely during the day, then after work she would pull into the drive-through of several different fast food establishments on her way home. First for several double burgers, fries and giant milkshake. Then, Dunkin Donuts for a bagful of donuts and large coffee drink. She would gobble this down with predictable feelings of guilt and remorse afterwards. No matter how much resolve she had the next morning (“that’s it! I am starving myself today, I don’t deserve to eat. I will make up for it. And today, I won’t do it” ) by the time 5 pm rolled around, her starving body screamed at her and her conditioned brain went into automatic pilot. Her car just seemed to turn automatically into that darn entrance with the sign that said “Drive-Thru Entrance Here”along with the giant yellow arrow to be sure you do not miss it.

Maybe you can’t relate to this behavior, maybe there is some other behavior that you do that you wish you could stop. Bad habits are complicated and more difficult to change than one would imagine. Sometimes, we look at others and think “how could they do that? why don’t they stop ______” Fill in the blank. Smoking, drinking too much, watching too much TV, not sleeping, starving themselves, binge eating, purging……all detrimental to our health. Why can’t we have more willpower? When my patients start bashing themselves (don’t we all feel kind of bad when we just can’t do what we thought we could do?), it typically is a pattern. We get into what you might consider “automatic pilot” mode, both with our thinking and with our behavior. You may have heard of “behavior chains” . Susie’s might look something like this:

Skip Breakfast and Lunch->Leave Work->Drive by McDonald’s->Turn in Drive Thru->Order Food->Eat in Car->Feel Guilty->Drive by Dunkin Donuts->Turn in Drive Thru-> Order Donuts->Eat in Car->Feel Guilty->Go Home->Eat More, go to bed->Wake up, Skip Breakfast, Skip Lunch, Leave Work and REPEAT CYCLE

My patient Susie wanted desperately to change this behavior, but her expectations of stopping totally and miraculously going home to eat a healthier dinner was not reasonable. Part of the reason is NOT lack of will power, but the reality that our brains are not always under our control when it comes to bad habits. To help patients understand this, and also because I am a visual learner, meaning, I need pictures to learn things, I use a “corn stalk” analogy to explain this phenomenon. First, identify a behavior you want to stop (for Susie, she wanted to stop binge eating fast food after work). Next, imagine what healthy behavior you wish you could do instead (Susie really wanted to be able to drive straight home and prepare a healthier and normal sized meal and not feel guilty).  Now imagine your brain as a very thick field of corn stalks. You have to get to the other side to your “behavior” or outcome. You see a beautifully paved path leading somewhere. It is shiny, made out of beautiful marble, glistening in the sun. So of course, you head down this path because it is so easy, and it is actually somewhat enjoyable.

Unfortunately, at the end of the path lies the exact behavior you have been trying to stop. For Susie, at the end of her nice shiny easy path is McDonald’s. And Dunkin Donuts. And binge eating, followed by guilt. What Susie really wants at the end of her path is a nice healthy meal, and feeling good. But there is no path to that scenario. She needs to make one.

Do you think it is easy to make a paved path through a giant field of corn stalks? No, it is not. Neither is changing behavior. Neither can be done overnight. For Susie to forge a different path, she needs to get herself a hatchet and knock down one cornstalk at a time. After lots of hard work, sweat and tears, eventually a path, albeit bumpy and conducive to tripping…well a path will slowly appear. Susie will actually be able to get down that path to the place she wants to be. Her old smooth beautiful path will still be there. But eventually, that old smooth path will start to be less smooth and easy as new baby corn stalks begin to grow. She will still be able to get by, but it won’t feel as easy or right. Eventually, over time, that old pathway will be covered and pretty much gone. The new path will start to be nice and smooth and very easy to walk down. Maybe not made of marble, maybe some smooth sand, but walking down it will feel pleasant and good, not like in the beginning.

How does this look in Susie’s “real” world? Take a look at her “behavior chain”. What Susie did was pick a place in the chain where she felt she could do something different. She told me “I don’t need to go by Dunkin Donuts. That is actually the long way home”. So the first hard work she did, that first corn stalk chopped down was taking a different road home and skipping Dunkin Donuts. She still went to McDonald’s, still ate too much, still was starving during the day, but she was able to make this change. She felt pretty proud of herself and had some hope. The next step was at the beginning of the chain, the skipping of breakfast and lunch. She did not want to eat breakfast, but agreed to starting to eat something at lunch. This helped her be less starving on the way home and eventually she was ordering a smaller amount of food at McDonalds. Another corn stalk down.

I have had many patients like Susie, all with different issues and behaviors they wanted to change. Those who accepted that change did not happen overnight often went on to change their brains by changing one little thing at a time. Most of us are not that patient, it seems, and so we try to change all at once. When we fail, we blame ourselves. Instead, if we stop and think about the corn stalk field in our brains, maybe we can accept that chopping down one corn stalk, changing even one little thing at a time will eventually get us where we want to go.

So can you think of any unhealthy behaviors you want to change? Then pick up that hatchet, it’s time to chop.

 

 

Promoting Healthy Eating and Natural Body Weight for Kids:Number One Mistake You Should Not Make

On By jodietitianIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Let me eat my cookie in peaceMy children are all grown up now, and to tell the truth, I can’t remember all of their early feeding struggles (except for my oldest daughter refusing to eat Cream of Wheat unless it was perfectly smooth). Oh, and needing to hide the jar of mayonnaise when I made tuna because my youngest daughter decided she hated mayonnaise and would not have eaten the tuna had she known. My son ate everything. I may have paid more attention to my first child, but by the time I had my third, well, I was lucky they all miraculously grew……anyone with a few kids knows you kind of lose track of things after that second one.

Anyway, the one thing I do clearly remember with my first child was reading every book I could about raising children. This was my first baby, and I really wanted to do things right. When Jennifer was born, except for deciding to arrive 2 weeks late, she was the perfect, easy baby. She slept through the night on her first day home (and silly me woke her up to nurse because they said she would be nursing at night, so shouldn’t I wake her up?). After that she woke every night at exactly 3 am, but quickly eliminated these feeds and was sleeping through the night. I never let her cry, and picked her up the minute she started to do that beginning cry, when it kind of sounds like a cough….so I would comfort her before the actual cry even started. Soon, she learned to basically just let out a little cough, and I would come. It was actually pretty funny, because people wondered what she was doing…..Why does she cough to get your attention?! Smart child.

So, before her second year of life this little girl was a piece of cake. I did read however, in one of my books, that the second year of life typically begins the notorious “terrible twos”. The book said a child may start to have tantrums and throw themselves down in fits of anger when they are upset. Supposedly, this horrifying behavior would likely start even before the age of 2. Not my daughter, or so I thought. And then, one afternoon, my perfect little 22 month old sweetie wanted some scissors.

Down she went. Right in the middle of the hallway, she threw her entire body down in a full blown, perfect demonstration of a classic temper tantrum. I was stunned. I stopped in my tracks, my instinct screamed “go pick her up! your poor little girl is so unhappy! You need to comfort her, that is what a good mother does!”

But I didn’t. The words I just read a month earlier or so stuck in my head:

“If they have a tantrum, and get what they want, they have learned a powerful lesson. It works!”

And they will do it again. And so, I did one of the hardest things I ever did, and I stepped over her, continued down the hall to the living room and sat on the couch. As I stepped over her I calmly said “you can’t have the scissors. I will be in the living room”.Of course I could see her from where I was sitting, and I knew she was safe. It only took a few minutes until she got up and came into the living room and started playing with her stuffed animals. She no longer seemed to even care about the scissors. And I honestly don’t ever remember her having a tantrum like that again. Phew. Not to say the next two children were as easy, my son especially had a lot of energy to put up a long fight, and yes, it was exhausting at times. But he also did not get what he wanted. With my third (poor Kara) I had it down. It actually came to the point where I just would start humming that Rolling Stones song, one of my favorites. You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

What does this story have to do with promoting healthy eating and “natural” body weight. Notice I didn’t say “healthy” or “thin” because, remember, all children, just like adults, are not supposed to be the same size. But, we all have basic nutritional needs and need for sleep and movement and peace in our lives. To teach children what a healthy lifestyle is, well, we need to work on it ourselves. Think about these three areas involved in being healthy:

  1. Sleep
  2. Eating
  3. Fun movement

I think most of us agree we all need to work on getting more sleep, eating more fruits and vegetables, eating at the table (family meals) instead of while watching TV or in bed, and playing less video games. Most adults I know are wanting to be more active and get more exercise. What happens when it is bed time and your child has a fit? Or maybe your kids put up a fight and don’t want to sit at the family dinner table. Are they absolutely glued to their hand-held device, refusing to give it up even at the dinner table? How do you handle it? Do you feel as I did at first, that seeing your child so upset is hard to handle? Yes, it is hard to see your child sad. I think it is a natural instinct to want to protect your kids and make them happy.

But what if you knew that letting them get away with whatever they want (even if it feels unimportant) may have long lasting health consequences? In my job where I see kids referred for food refusal and picky eating, the story is almost predictable. The parents are usually absolute sweethearts. The child, a tyrant. They weren’t born that way, they just probably have evolved into this obstinate kid who refused to eat anything but chicken nuggets. From McDonald’s only, of course. Granted, there are many kids with sensory issues, but these are not the kids I am referring to. These are the legit, controlling little people who run the household because they have learned what works. It is not easy to undo, but it can be done. Parents need to get on board and agree to gradually change things, no matter how upset little Susie or Joey gets. I always say, a two year old tantrum is easier to deal with than a sixteen year old tantrum. Nip it in the bud.

So what is the number one mistake you should not make if you want to have a healthy child and promote a healthy lifestyle?

Refuse to let your child rule the house.

Try to accept that being sad and NOT getting what you want every day, in every situation is a much bigger gift in the long run, because it builds coping skills. When something happens in the real world, when things do get tough and you are no longer there, your grown up child will know “I can deal with this”.

We are all different and we all have a right to live whatever kind of life we want when it comes to food, where you want to eat, when, what, how much sleep you want to get, how much TV you want to watch, and even if you feel the need for physical activity. But if feeling good and teaching your family healthy habits is important to you, then this is for you.

My advice: learn the song. You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find….you get what you need : )

For more information on promoting a healthy feeding relationship, see Ellyn Satter Institute

The Sliver People

On By jodietitianIn dieting2 Comments

Image result for thin slice of cakeEating behavior has fascinated me for years. Maybe because of my Italian heritage and the tendency to “cook enough for the army, the navy and the marines” as my mom would say…..coupled with my discovery of the research on “restrained eating” and learning about the link between dieting and binge eating. Added to my years of working with people with eating disorders and weight concerns, I have a great appreciation for the complexity of eating, food, and why people do what they do. So I love when people tell me stories about food and eating. Last week at work one of my co-workers told me a story about a family dinner and how something a relative (great aunt) said that kind of bothered her.

It was a celebration and cake was being served. My friend, her son and her daughter were enjoying a piece of cake at the dining room table while this aunt sat on the couch watching. “Look at you all, stuffing your faces!”she said in a way that was kind of negative, as if she were witnessing bad behavior, or behavior to be ashamed of. My friend went on to tell me about this aunt who appeared to be criticizing them for eating cake. Apparently this person is someone who always resists the dessert…..she “does not eat sweets”. She has “willpower”. And she seems to look down on those who give in.

But then, here is the weird part, the question my friend had: she refuses to take dessert EVER…..but then eventually, every single time, after shaming everyone else, sneaks back for “just a sliver”.

OH! I knew exactly who my friend was talking about. She sounds like “The Sliver People”, I said. We both burst out laughing, describing what we see when people try not to eat something they really want but for some reason don’t allow themselves to have. After a good amount of giggling at the term we just coined, I went on to share my theories of The Sliver People. Now remember, these are just my theories (which are influenced by research on cognitive restraint and dieting behavior as well as what lots of my patients have described to me about the way they think and feel about food).

So what is it with the Sliver People? My theories:

  1. They have a “good food-bad food” mind set. Sweets are bad, dessert is bad, cake is bad, so nobody should be eating it. If you eat “bad” food, then you, by association are being “bad”. You have no “willpower”. You are weak.

My Response: if you like it, it is GOOD. If you have cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner, you won’t feel too good. It’s all about balance and “listening to your body”. If you want something sweet and don’t eat something sweet, you will likely be thinking about food all day. I would recommend eating that darn piece of cake and going about your day.

2. They think cake (substitute sweets, desserts, “bad” food) makes you fat. Magically, one piece of cake can add gobs of weight.

My Response: the scientific fact is that one average piece of cake may have a few hundred calories (except my sister-in-law Michelle’s Mocha Marsh mellow 90 million layer cake she enters into baking contests which she manages to cram in a bit more melted butter and cream I am guessing that makes her a champion baker)….anyway, it takes much more than a piece of cake or one dessert to have any effect on weight, even Michelle’s. When you eat more calories than your body needs, it knows what to do. You don’t have to count. Think about it. When you eat a bigger meal than normal, something very strange happens: you no longer feel hungry, imagine that. You can go longer than an hour without thinking about food. So if you eat the cake and it is more than you normally eat, your appetite on its own will keep you in balance (if you learn to listen and trust it). Not easy for some people.

3. They have been dieting most of their lives. They are on a diet still. Cake is not on the diet.

My Response: when people “go on a diet” and eat only certain foods while eliminating others, we know they eventually have to “go off” the diet. Dieting and food restriction lead to food obsession and disordered eating, often binge eating. When dieters give in and have even “just a slice” feelings of guilt often follow. That is why restrained eating and dieting often lead to depression (in addition to the negative effect of starvation and inadequate energy intake on our brains and mood). I know I will never convince people to stop “dieting” or looking for that magical eating plan that will transform their bodies and their lives….but I won’t stop trying. Instead, if you focus on “healthy eating” and living, then having a piece of cake for dessert at a family celebration does not disrupt anything. It just adds to life’s enjoyment and moments we should be cherishing, creating memories together, savoring every single thing that is good…and I call that “healthy”.

4. They really aren’t hungry,but want to taste it. Their belly is full, but they know they won’t get this chance again (how often do you get a chance to try an award winning 9 million layer cake?).

My Response: I think it is “normal” eating to listen to your body, and if you know you can’t fit an entire piece of cake comfortably into your belly but want a “sliver”, it’s not a big deal. Chances are the person who takes just a bite because they want to taste it are probably not even noticing what everyone else is eating. They certainly are not being judgmental about anyone who decides to eat an entire piece. They are just eating what they want and not what they don’t want. Maybe they may take a piece “to go”. There is nothing wrong with that, honoring your body and staying in tune with it is something we all should be working on, that is if feeling good is your goal.

Are you one of the “Sliver People”? If so, do you recognize yourself in any of these descriptions? Remember, this is not meant to be a judgement of people who don’t take an entire piece of cake. It is meant to make us all aware of how we have been influenced by a culture that values thinness and weight loss and dieting at the expense of the true meaning of life. To cherish family, friends and celebrate all that we have, all of our blessings as much as we can while we can (if you ask me). To be thankful for all of it, every single day. To miss out because of fears of gaining weight, well, that is just sad.

Oh, and please don’t judge me because I only eat the frosting.

Your Child’s Chubby Belly: Should You Worry?

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized7 Comments

hoola-hoopLast week I saw a little boy in the Feeding Team where I work at a children’s hospital who was referred for food refusal, picky eating, failure to gain weight and a host of other issues. We went through the visit, did our assessment and made our recommendations. At the end of the visit, the mom said to me “I probably should bring my daughter here. I am worried about her, she is only 9 years old and she has cellulite on her stomach! What should I do?” Seriously….my veins actually got this weird feeling. I really understand how they got the expression “that makes my blood boil”.  My blood boils a lot these days. Not because I am upset with the parent, but because I am angry that our culture is so obsessed with being thin that well-meaning and caring young mothers think they need to worry about their young children’s body fat.

Anyway, I could tell this poor mom was really concerned, and I was pretty sure she bought into the cultural mantra that being fat is bad and thin is good. And here she was, with her one and only daughter, at the ripe old age of  9 with a chubby belly. And she was worried, but I was not sure why. Was she worried about her health, or that she may end up with a fat child and wouldn’t that be horrible? I did not want to lose this chance to possibly have an impact on a young girl’s self-esteem and body image, and I knew I had to control myself. I needed this mother to buy in to what I had to say in these last few minutes of our appointment time.

So I took a deep breath and asked “How old is your daughter?” and she told me. I then went on to explain normal development and how all children are different in the way they gain weight and grow. Some kids are scrawny much of their young lives, even into their teen years, and only gain weight in their 20’s or even later. Others tend to be a bit chubby and often that fat can be in the tummy, but this is very normal. “Just remember” I said, “how small your daughter is, and how much she will be growing in the next ten years…..her body needs some fat so she can produce the hormones that are going to transform her into a young woman.  Do you really think having a chubby belly at her age is important?” That mom stopped to think. So true! She has a lot of years to go before she ends up with an adult body. So if she should not worry about her daughter’s belly fat, then what should she worry about?

I went on to introduce her to the idea of promoting family health. NOT focusing on one child’s body or weight, but instead, caring about the health and happiness of everyone in the family. That includes dad who is in the habit of drinking soda, and the skinny brother who lives on potato chips and Oreo cookies. How can the entire family be healthier? I gave her a few handouts and websites on promoting a healthy feeding relationship (www.ellynsatterinstitute.com is my favorite). I suggested that she try not to talk about her daughter’s belly, or her body, or anyone’s body in the household and instead work on family health. Getting enough sleep. Limiting screen time to 2 hours or less. Cooking more at home with more family meals, less eating out, more fun outdoor play. That kind of thing. Giving your children the gift of a healthy lifestyle is something we all can work on. Trying to change someone’s genetics is fruitless at best, and worse, so damaging to self-esteem and body image (yes, we are all different, look around you, even elite athletes have different body types, yet all healthy). Your child may indeed turn out looking too thin or too large by cultural standards, but don’t you want them to be themselves? They can still be healthy, depending on what you teach them (and model for them).

Anyway, I am not sure if I had an impact, or if she bought into the message I was trying to send, but at least I tried.

So, to answer the question: should you worry about your child’s belly? The answer is NO. Non. Ne. Nei. Nie. Nada.

FYI I am the champion

Instead, go Hula Hooping. Now that is important.

Taking Care of Me and YOLO

On By jodietitianIn Uncategorized2 Comments

Imagine people frolicking on this beach. Old friends from high school, now 30 years old (almost) playing volley ball, jumping on motor boats, reminiscing about the good old days. Best friends from high school, former team mates on football teams, lacrosse teams, now grown up with experiences we may not even be able to imagine (like my good friend’s son who is now a Navy Seal, very emotional for me to see him, so thankful to have the opportunity to hug a hero, and say thank you for protecting me), yes,all these friends coming together to celebrate the marriage of someone they all love. Adding to the wonderfulness of it all was getting to see my son from Colorado and his girlfriend for a few days, enjoying a 3 hour drive with them up to New Hampshire and back that otherwise would not have been so much fun….anyway, back to work today, the dust has settled, we now are getting ready for another busy weekend with a going away party for my husband’s daughter and her husband. It seems the fun never ends….and the time scarce. When am I going to write my blog this week?

My husband said “why don’t you just write a short one? why do you always have to write so much?” I realized, he was right. I have these expectations for myself, and sometimes it seems it just never is good enough. You would think I would know by my age, what is important….like family….and sanity.

And so I just want to bring up the topic of perfectionism…..and the danger of missing out on life. I learned a word from one of my students who came to see me for some nutrition counseling at a college where I work. She was saying how she had some Chinese food (General Tsao’s chicken) and then she said ” you know, YOLO”…what is that? I asked….and she explained, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. Although I did make sure she understood that there is nothing wrong with eating food like that, I really loved the expression. It made me think of my dad, and the day he was told he was now in Stage 4 for his esophageal cancer (less than 6 months to live we were told). He had not been able to eat much for weeks. But for some reason, he wanted to stop at a locally famous hot dog joint (Capital Lunch in New Britain CT). He actually ate 2 chili dogs. He passed away less than a week later.

So you see, it is ok to not always do the best you know you can do. Sometimes sanity is more important. I apologize for any typos. I just don’t have the energy to go back and check. Maybe this weekend. But right now, I need to take another sip of wine and watch the first episode of Blacklist. YOLO.